4.4 Back to the Burrow (episode transcript)

SPEAKERS
Mary Clay Watt, Christina Kann, actual ghost probably, Jason Hilton
 
Christina Kann  00:02
"Harry wheeled around. Dudley was no longer standing behind his parents. He was kneeling beside the coffee table, and he was gagging and sputtering on a foot-long, purple, slimy thing that was protruding from his mouth. One bewildered second later, Harry realized that the footlong thing was Dudley's tongue, and that a brightly colored toffee wrapper lay on the floor before him." Okay, I'll read more. "Aunt Petunia hurled herself onto the ground beside Dudley, seized the end of his swollen tongue, and attempted to wrench it out of his mouth. Unsurprisingly, Dudley yelled and sputtered worse than ever, trying to fight her off. Uncle Vernon was bellowing and waving his arms around, and Mr. Weasley had to shout to make himself heard." So that's what we're doing in this chapter.
 
Christina Kann  01:10
What's up, Pott-heads? Welcome to The Restricted Section, a show in which a bunch of nerds with potty mouths reread the Harry Potter series for the umpteenth time and discuss the way that this story and its themes have stayed with the generation into adulthood. Thank you so much for listening. If you haven't done the reading, don't worry, we did it for you. Here's what we're talking about this week:
 
Christina Kann  01:30
Chapter Four: Back to the Burrow. Harry spends a very tense day waiting for the Weasleys to come pick him up at the Dursleys'. Uncle Vernon is wearing his best suit for the occasion in a show of power. But unfortunately, the Weasleys arrive via fireplace, and also very unfortunately, the Dursleys' fireplace is boarded up in favor of an electric fire. So the visit starts poorly with Arthur Weasley blasting the Dursleys' fireplace apart, and it does actually in fact get worse from there. On their way out, Fred drops a bunch of candy. Whoopsie! Oh wow, what a silly accident. Well, of course, dieting Dudley eats one candy that was accidentally left behind, and it causes his tongue to grow uncontrollably. So Uncle Vernon starts chucking china pieces at Arthur, and Arthur makes Harry leave via Floo Powder while he fixes everything. Not all heroes wear capes; some wear "long robes in varying states of shabbiness."
 
Christina Kann  02:40
Welcome to The Restricted Section, where we WILL explode your living room! I am delighted to be joined today by my boisterous friend, Mary Clay! Say hello to the listeners, Mary Clay.
 
Mary Clay Watt  02:51
Hello, listeners.
 
Christina Kann  02:53
I'm so glad you're back after summer vacation.
 
Mary Clay Watt  02:56
I know! I was just I was texting you earlier this week, and I was telling Jason when you were running around your house resetting your Wi Fi, that it feels like it's been a while. I couldn't remember what I was last on for. Obviously it was Prisoner of Azkaban, which comes right before this book, Goblet of Fire.
 
Christina Kann  03:15
Yeah.
 
Mary Clay Watt  03:16
So it's good to be back talking about good old HP.
 
Christina Kann  03:22
The last episode you were on was the movie episode with Ethan and Haley, and that does feel like it was truly so long ago.
 
Mary Clay Watt  03:31
Well, honestly, when we recorded that episode, it very well could have been when I was still at my old job. I know I was at my old house. It was probably before we traveled -- we did all this traveling for my brother's wedding. I lived with my parents for two weeks when I was in between leases. And then moving in was a whole process because we had an issue with our gas stove leaking gas. And so it's truly like a lifetime has passed in terms of what I've experienced since I was last on.
 
Christina Kann  04:13
You've come so far and tried so hard. And in the end, it definitely mattered. And our special guest today -- you might have heard of him -- is Jason Hilton, editor of the Movie Night Crew! Say hello to the listeners, Jason.
 
Jason Hilton  04:32
Hello to the listeners, Jason.
 
Mary Clay Watt  04:34
I almost did that joke, but I couldn't remember what Christina said exactly.
 
Christina Kann  04:44
You may remember Jason from his past episodes. He was on for Chamber of Secrets, Chapter 17: The Heir of Slytherin, and Prisoner of Azkaban, Chapter Seven: The Boggart in the Wardrobe, so pretty good chapters, if I do say myself.
 
Mary Clay Watt  05:00
Quality stuff.
 
Jason Hilton  05:01
Well, my first chapter was the very first chapter of Chamber of Secrets. So...
 
Christina Kann  05:07
Oh really?
 
Jason Hilton  05:08
Yeah.
 
Christina Kann  05:09
Dang, I didn't even look. I scrolled back and I'm sure I was like, "Oh, there's this Chamber of Secrets one and that's all that he did." I didn't remember you did two.
 
Jason Hilton  05:19
I am hurt. That was a special recording.
 
Christina Kann  05:23
You're right. I do remember, though, cuz that was incredibly boring and terrible. *scathingly* Harry Potter was a very special boy.
 
Jason Hilton  05:31
Yeah, and I was way more nervous.
 
Christina Kann  05:34
Well, I hope you're comfortable. In fact, let's all get comfortable in the Dursleys' living room.
 
Jason Hilton  05:42
While we can.
 
Christina Kann  05:44
While we can. Today, we're talking about Chapter Four of Goblet of Fire, Back to the Burrow. But like, wow, misnomer, cuz we don't see the Burrow in this chapter.
 
Mary Clay Watt  05:54
I know, I was very disappointed.
 
Jason Hilton  05:56
Me too. Like, exactly. I was actually pretty let down.
 
Christina Kann  06:00
Okay, but it's still a pretty fun chapter, at least compared to the past two chapters.
 
Mary Clay Watt  06:05
It is very fun, but I just don't understand why she wouldn't have combined either the previous chapter and this chapter, or this chapter and the next chapter, you know?
 
Jason Hilton  06:16
Yeah, you like blink in this chapter is over, so it seems weird to even separate them.
 
Mary Clay Watt  06:21
It is still very fun. But I said before we officially started the episode that I kept reading on to the next chapter because it was so funny. I had a vague memory. I was like, "Don't Bill and Charlie, like, smash tables together like with their wands?" And I was like, "Did that actually happen?" But we're not here to talk about that. We're here to talk about Harry just sitting in the hallway.
 
Jason Hilton  06:52
Freshly packed.
 
Christina Kann  06:53
Okay, be grateful for what you get. Yes, he packs. Yeah, to go to the Weasleys'. The Dursleys are pretty tense about the wizards that are coming to their house. Frankly, I'm impressed that they're even bearing this anxiety compared to how they usually act about "your kind."
 
Mary Clay Watt  07:14
I can't believe they didn't just be like, "Harry, you have to go meet them somewhere else at a drop off point. We're not allowing them into our house."
 
Christina Kann  07:23
Yeah.
 
Jason Hilton  07:25
They didn't even know how they were going to show up. So that probably wouldn't even have worked
 
Mary Clay Watt  07:28
True.
 
Christina Kann  07:29
Yeah, that's true. I mean, unless there's a public location with a fireplace, which does exist, but it would have to be like a bougie winery or something. Maybe not in the UK. There's actually probably a lot more fireplaces in the UK. Uncle Vernon says that they better dress normally. Vernon, for his part, is wearing his very best suit, which is so ridiculous. Even if Mr. Weasley was a Muggle, it's still a ridiculous outfit to wear to sit in your living room.
 
Mary Clay Watt  08:02
I loved the note that it wasn't because he wanted to look, you know, put together for his guests; it was that he wanted to show off how much money he has or how nice his clothes are or something.
 
Jason Hilton  08:16
Yeah. Which is a pretty big sting for the Weasleys.
 
Mary Clay Watt  08:21
They don't wear Muggle clothes, so Vernon wearing an impressive, nice, fancy suit isn't something that's going to impress them. They're just gonna be like, "Yeah, it's muggle clothes. I guess it looks nice. Like, congratulations." It's like me when people tell me basically anything about what their car is. I'm like, "Cool!"
 
Christina Kann  08:43
Harry doubts that they're gonna dress in a way that Uncle Vernon likes because the Weasleys parents, they often wear long robes. I feel like wearing long robes every day would be extremely obnoxious. What do you guys think?
 
Jason Hilton  08:58
Well,  it drags on the ground all the time. You even notice that in the movies, where they have like soot always on the bottom of their wizarding robes. It would seem kind of inconvenient for me. I don't go around wearing like a trench coat all the time. Well, for multiple reasons.
 
Mary Clay Watt  09:16
I would love the feeling of just always having a cape on. I know our dear friend admin Edna mode says "No capes!" I would just love the feeling of like anywhere I walk. It's like whoosh!
 
Jason Hilton  09:27
Friend of the podcast Edna Mode.
 
Mary Clay Watt  09:29
Yes, she listens.
 
Jason Hilton  09:31
I like to imagine Arthur Weasley coming in with the most stereotypical wizarding outfit possible, just by chance, so he's got the big, pointy Merlin hat and a purple cloak with yellow stars and moons all over it. Like, "Hello!" And he's just trying to be nice, but greatly offending.
 
Christina Kann  09:50
Oh my God, we have that exact outfit. We bought our Dumbledore outfit; you just described it like exactly. I think that I would be okay wearing long robes every day at Hogwarts, where everything's cold and made out of stone, you know?
 
Christina Kann  10:08
It's not very dirty. It's not muddy, you know? It's just these big stone corridors with nothing to catch you. If I had a robe, I would get it caught on everything, and also I'm realizing now that the kittens would just love that thing.
 
Mary Clay Watt  10:08
Yeah.
 
Mary Clay Watt  10:24
Yo, you know when you're going about your day and then, absolute day-ruiner, you're wearing a cardigan and the pocket gets caught in a doorknob? Is this only a me experience?
 
Christina Kann  10:36
No.
 
Jason Hilton  10:39
No, that's happened to me with belt loops.
 
Mary Clay Watt  10:41
Okay, or a similar thing: you have you have a jacket on, you have a purse, you have anything on your body, and you walk past a door, and it catches on the doorknob.
 
Christina Kann  10:51
It's usually my purse.
 
Mary Clay Watt  10:52
You just imagine how often that would happen with your robe?
 
Jason Hilton  10:55
I'm just concerned with how much fire is in Hogwarts.
 
Christina Kann  10:59
Oh, that's true.
 
Jason Hilton  11:02
Oh yeah, Snape gets his robes on fire, right?
 
Mary Clay Watt  11:06
Yeah, but that's because a student did that to him.
 
Christina Kann  11:10
Yeah, someone set him on fire. That's different from just catching on fire.
 
Mary Clay Watt  11:16
I would have to have a summer robe.
 
Jason Hilton  11:18
It's really easy for children to set your clothes on fire. That's my only thing. That's why I wouldn't want to wear one.
 
Christina Kann  11:25
Yeah, Mary Clay, I suppose a summer robe would consist of like -- oh my god! At the Renaissance Fair, Lelia bought this capelet. It's like Little Red Riding Hood and it only covers her shoulders and it's adorable.
 
Mary Clay Watt  11:41
I'm imagining a sheer robe that's mostly just an overlay. You know?
 
Christina Kann  11:52
Mmm! Yes.
 
Mary Clay Watt  11:53
That maybe some floral designs on it or something for the summer. That would have to be my summer robe, since it's, you know, always 90 degrees where we live.
 
Christina Kann  12:06
It's true.
 
Jason Hilton  12:07
Not in jolly old England.
 
Christina Kann  12:10
Okay, and then so Dudley is acting generally afraid because the last time that he met a wizard, he got a pig tail out of it. Well, the text calls him a full-grown wizard, I think, but it was Hagrid. I would argue that he's not a full-grown wizard. He doesn't have wizard training.
 
Mary Clay Watt  12:31
I think it means he is a wizard who is full grown. Like he's an adult.
 
Jason Hilton  12:37
Yeah.
 
Mary Clay Watt  12:39
Rather than like a fully trained wizard.
 
Jason Hilton  12:41
He may be a child on the inside, but he is an adult on the outside.
 
Christina Kann  12:45
And I suppose Dudley wouldn't know the difference. He was probably very threatened by that man at the time.
 
Mary Clay Watt  12:51
Yeah, but of course, it has to refer to that as a distant event, because if you say, "The last time Dudley was with a wizard, Hagrid gave him a tail," and then JK Rowling would have to be like, "Hagrid is the gatekeeper at Hogwarts." How she'll pepper in those details. "Yes, we know. It's book four. We know."
 
Jason Hilton  13:17
I kind of appreciated those sometimes because there was such a big gap between when the books came out. What was it, like every couple of years? I don't remember.
 
Mary Clay Watt  13:26
Yeah.
 
Christina Kann  13:26
Yeah, it was definitely a couple of years between them.
 
Jason Hilton  13:30
Oh, yeah.
 
Christina Kann  13:30
Not many though, honestly. Pretty impressive writing pace, and George RR Martin could stand to take a leaf out of HER?? book. Reading these books this time around, I feel so bad for Dudley, honestly. He never stood a chance as a human being or a character. The text just absolutely despises him in a way that children should not be despised.
 
Jason Hilton  13:57
Although him constantly holding his butt this entire chapter was pretty funny. That was a funny detail that she kept bringing up.
 
Christina Kann  14:04
I think it's sad. He's like, absolutely terrified.
 
Mary Clay Watt  14:07
Yeah. Also it mentioned that they had to take him to a private hospital for the tail to be removed.
 
Christina Kann  14:14
Yes.
 
Mary Clay Watt  14:15
So that required surgery. He was in physical pain, probably, because of what happened.
 
Jason Hilton  14:22
Probably couldn't sit down for a while
 
Christina Kann  14:24
Yes, that's what I was about to say! It's his favorite thing to do! Oh my gosh. We talked about this a lot in the last chapter, so we won't harp on it here, but the really rude fat shaming of Dudley continues through this chapter. He can't just walk out of a room, he has to waddle, you know? Yeah. And so the pig thing is just, I think it's just -- they're laying it on too heavy. In this book, he hasn't done a damn thing.
 
Jason Hilton  14:53
That adjective "porky" makes a return. For sure.
 
Christina Kann  14:57
God damn, remember that one pilot from Star Wars named Porkins?
 
Jason Hilton  15:03
Oh yeah, for sure. He's my favorite character.
 
Christina Kann  15:08
He's my favorite, too. It's a totally different situation. But--
 
Jason Hilton  15:11
I heard a funny story about that, where the actor was mildly offended at that because he was overweight. And he's like, "Are you calling me Porkins because I'm fat?" But apparently George Lucas was like, "Oh, no, you've got this whole backstory. And this is why Porkins is your name," or something like tha, just to make him feel better.
 
Christina Kann  15:28
That's funny.
 
Jason Hilton  15:28
Yeah.
 
Christina Kann  15:29
Putting in the legwork. "Check out this worldbuilding. I'ma explain why the fat guy's named Porkins." So, lunch is very tense and silent.
 
Mary Clay Watt  15:42
*SLAP*
 
Christina Kann  15:42
Mary Clay, did you get the bug?
 
Mary Clay Watt  15:44
Can you see it flying around?
 
Christina Kann  15:47
No, I can't.
 
Mary Clay Watt  15:48
There is a fly. First of all, there's a gnat and a fly in my room. And the fly, I think, has been in our apartment. Like I think it needs to pay rent at this point. Anyway, continue.
 
Jason Hilton  16:05
No, I want to hear more about the bugs!
 
Christina Kann  16:07
I spend a lot of time watching other creatures catch bugs because my cats love catching bugs, and there's so many in our house.
 
Mary Clay Watt  16:15
Send them here! *SLAP* Oh my god. Oh, no. No, I slowed it down, though.
 
Christina Kann  16:19
Dude, you can have a kitten if you want.
 
Mary Clay Watt  16:22
I'm slowing down, I'm slowing it down. Okay,
 
Jason Hilton  16:24
Gus will do that. He'll just grab a fly and coldly eat it. And I'm like, "Ah, God, this is nature in my house."
 
Mary Clay Watt  16:33
My favorite videos from the summer have been pet owners being like, "Spit it out, spit it out now!" and they have a giant cicada in their mouth. And it's just a dog and their mouth is closed and then you just hear like the chirping but it sounds muffled.
 
Christina Kann  16:53
So lunch is very tense and silent. I think it's silent, completely silent, except for that Vernon asks if the Weasleys will be driving. And Harry realizes -- sweet, stupid little Harry realizes -- that he has absolutely no fucking idea how they're getting there.
 
Mary Clay Watt  17:08
Also, I love how as the books go on, and like I said earlier, at this point, she doesn't have the time to go in and every time they mention something crazy, explain exactly what happened. So she'll just pass by it really quickly. And so it mentions that their Ford Anglia is currently driving around the Forbidden Forest at Hogwarts. So it's very funny as the books go on, and like you have these opening chapters reintroducing you to the world and people and characters and objects and stuff. All of these very crazy, out-of-context things that are just adding to the list.
 
Jason Hilton  17:54
Do they even like attempt recap chapters once book seven comes around? I haven't read it in a long time.
 
Mary Clay Watt  18:00
I can't remember. I don't know. We'll find out in three years.
 
Christina Kann  18:03
I think they kind of stop in Order of the Phoenix. But Mary Clay, there is now suddenly a fly zooming around my office. And I think you summoned it -- or sent it.
 
Mary Clay Watt  18:18
I think I did kill the fly because I can see it lying on my floor. So maybe his spirit, his ghost, is over there.
 
Christina Kann  18:27
My God. I don't know how to segue from ghost fly into Harry sitting around.
 
Mary Clay Watt  18:34
Just go immediately into whatever you we're going to talk about and just cut all of this out and put it into Patreon content.
 
Christina Kann  18:41
A Patreon episode of just Mary Clay talking about the fly! Well, we need we need to do something while we're just waiting around for the Weasleys to show up. Harry's just sitting around. He's not even reading. They're just sitting.
 
Mary Clay Watt  19:01
They're twiddling their thumbs, yeah.
 
Jason Hilton  19:04
Their very, very bulbous thumbs.
 
Mary Clay Watt  19:06
Oh, also want to point out that their lunch is cottage cheese and shredded celery.
 
Christina Kann  19:13
God damn, that sounds so terrible.
 
Jason Hilton  19:16
That's such a '90s diet.
 
Christina Kann  19:18
It is a very '90s diet. I bet my mom had that for lunch more than a couple times.
 
Jason Hilton  19:23
Yeah, I'm sure that was like a miracle recipe back then. It's like, "Oh, if you just get into cottage cheese, you're good. You'll never have to eat cheese again." And then of course, it was a dirty, dirty lie. Just like with kale. It's like "You'll never want spinach or lettuce again!" And like you know, I do.
 
Mary Clay Watt  19:36
I don't want spinach or lettuce to begin with.
 
Christina Kann  19:39
Aw. I love lettuce. Um, that's not relevant, so... Okay, so it's five o'clock. What time are the Weasleys supposed to get here?
 
Mary Clay Watt  19:50
Five o'clock. It's very similar to how Jason and I rolled up to this recording.
 
Christina Kann  20:01
Whoa!
 
Mary Clay Watt  20:03
That was a self-roast.
 
Christina Kann  20:04
So they're just waiting in utter agony. They're all just so tense. But Harry never doubts for a second that the Weasleys are coming to get him.
 
Jason Hilton  20:15
Yeah, that's nice, but I don't understand -- when you have teleportation, how is being a late even an issue ever?
 
Mary Clay Watt  20:23
Well, they still have to get to the fireplace, you know? When you have a family of -- and Bill and Charlie are there, too, at this point. Spoiler alert for the next chapter. I didn't read ahead, what? Even though I admitted it at the beginning of this episode, I think. I'm sure the Burrow's crazy, you know. Fred and George are probably running around their room being like, "Oh, you know, it would be really funny? Get some of the toffees. Let's test them out on Dudley," and they're planning that out. Ron's upstairs maybe straightening his room, and Arthur's downstairs, like, "Come on, boys. We have to go!" and then Molly's like, "Well, while you're standing here waiting for them, you might as well help me cook dinner." So I can see how the Weasleys being a very large, rambunctious family, it takes a while to get them all, you know, in one place. Even if that place is in front of their own fireplace.
 
Jason Hilton  21:20
That is something I like to think about: if teleportation was like possible, I mean, I feel like people would still be late because you would still be procrastinating. You would be procrastinating to the very last second or something.
 
Christina Kann  21:35
Yeah, my beloved husband Sean has ADHD, and he would be, for sure, that person who cannot get there on time with teleportation.
 
Jason Hilton  21:45
I love the tone of your voice when you say "beloved husband."
 
Christina Kann  21:50
I love him, but he literally sometimes just literally cannot make himself get it together and get out the door wall. It's always when we're going on vacation and the pressure's on and I'm like, "People are waiting on us." And he's like, "Wait, I'm resetting the router."
 
Mary Clay Watt  22:08
Oh, I thought you meant you were going to right now to reset the router.
 
Christina Kann  22:11
No, that's always why he takes so long.
 
Mary Clay Watt  22:16
Also, consider, for people who have done remote work at all in the last year: Are you sitting at your computer exactly at 10am as the Zoom meeting rolls around? Or are you still on the toilet, scrolling TikTok being like, "Oh, shoot the meeting!"
 
Jason Hilton  22:39
In general, that's why I can't get into TikTok. I'm refusing myself TikTok because I know I'll get sucked into that world.
 
Mary Clay Watt  22:47
Oh, yeah.
 
Jason Hilton  22:47
I feel like it'll ruin my life.
 
Mary Clay Watt  22:49
I have a problem.
 
Christina Kann  22:50
I've told your wife several times before that I think the two of you could have a very lucrative TikTok, and I'm happy to talk about that more at a later time.
 
Jason Hilton  22:59
Oh no. That's I'm fine.
 
Christina Kann  23:01
Your funny little songs.
 
Jason Hilton  23:03
Oh, true. Yeah.
 
Christina Kann  23:05
Finally, there's a scream. Uncle Vernon screams. There's a noise coming from inside the board-up fireplace.
 
Mary Clay Watt  23:13
The call is coming from inside the house.
 
Jason Hilton  23:15
Inside the fireplace.
 
Christina Kann  23:18
Dudley immediately peaces the fuck out. He's like, "I'm just already done." Why is he even here? Go to your room.
 
Mary Clay Watt  23:24
I know. I mean, that's always what I did as a kid and as an adult, is just go up to my room whenever people I don't know who I don't want to interact with come over. You just go to your room and close the door.
 
Jason Hilton  23:36
It's that suburbanite thing where like, everyone has to be there to greet them. Or maybe it's just classic English politeness.
 
Christina Kann  23:44
Dude, it's like the Von Trapp family. Line up. Parade out. Let me show all my friends what? I've made children.
 
Jason Hilton  23:51
Can you imagine if there were seven Dursley kids?
 
Christina Kann  23:54
No. They wouldn't be the same at all. Because part of that is that Dudley is like, inherently this way because he's the only, most precious child.
 
Mary Clay Watt  24:05
Yeah, if they had seven children, they would for sure pick a favorite. And then the favorite would know that they're the favorite, you know?
 
Jason Hilton  24:13
Yeah. I mean, it's always the first kid.
 
Christina Kann  24:15
Um, it is not always the first kid. Let me tell you, me and my little brother go back and forth.
 
Jason Hilton  24:21
Your parents go back and forth over which one they like more?
 
Christina Kann  24:24
But we always know which one it is.
 
Mary Clay Watt  24:26
I tell you what, as the third child in my family: The favorite is never -- it's been the first child a lot. It's been the second child a lot. It's never really been the third child.
 
Jason Hilton  24:37
I know, there's there's so few pictures of me as a baby because I was the third kid.
 
Christina Kann  24:42
Okay, in my family, the third child was beloved, but that's because he's an actual genius.
 
Mary Clay Watt  24:47
I think there are two spectrums for third child in families. There is one end where the third child -- or the youngest or whatever -- is -- I say "spoiled" in the sense that like they're given almost everything that they want. The rules are relaxed for them. Things are easier for them because there's always attentionon them. Or they're just pushed to the side and forgotten because there's all this other stuff happening already. When you come into the world, it's like, "That's great. But I also have the six year old and this three year old and now I have a baby. You, at least, can't move. So I'm going to put you in the swing," which my mom referred to as the Neglect-o-matic.
 
Christina Kann  25:38
Work smart, not hard, Mom!
 
Mary Clay Watt  25:40
In order, you know, to wrangle the other children. So I was on the other end of the third child spectrum where it's like, brother's off at band camp, sister's off at swim team, and you have your Gameboy to sit in the bleachers and watch.
 
Jason Hilton  25:55
And you can be quiet.
 
Mary Clay Watt  25:58
And you can sit there and enjoy your book or your Gameboy or whatever it is.
 
Christina Kann  26:02
My youngest brother, Ryan, wrote the theme song for this podcast, and if that isn't just the pinnacle of success, I don't know what is. Fred, George, and Mr. Weasley roll up into the blocked-off fireplace. Basically, they're coming in hot literally because there's a fire. But I guess the fire is not flammable. I assume it's blocked off with cardboard, right? No, yeah. No, not cardboard, wood. Plywood!
 
Mary Clay Watt  26:31
What I think would have been more fun, is if the reason the fireplace was blocked up was because Vernon blocked it up when -- actually, I don't know if that's a movie detail or if they did that in the book as well. In the first book, with the letters coming, if he boarded the fireplace up when the letters came and then was just too lazy to take them down at some point, you know.
 
Jason Hilton  26:57
I'll just get an electric one.
 
Mary Clay Watt  27:00
I would have appreciated that detail of like, "but the fireplace was boarded up because Vernon tried to stop Harry's school letters from arriving."
 
Jason Hilton  27:09
That's a Marvel-level continuity thing, so I could see that.
 
Christina Kann  27:11
Yeah. Before I remembered the letters thing, what I was thinking is that maybe when Lily died, someone took the Floo Network to their house to tell them that that had happened, and surprised them. And they boarded it up so no more wizards could get through.
 
Mary Clay Watt  27:29
I like that, I like that. I think the real answer, though, is just that like in -- quote unquote -- in the modern times of 1994, they have this electric fireplace that's a lot less effort for maintaining that they use instead. And I think that's just like, "Oh, this is this new gadget. It shows our wealth, it shows that we are with the times. It's something that we don't have to fuss about. And we can just turn it on and be warm and turn it off again."
 
Christina Kann  28:07
I'm grumpy because Sean and I have an ongoing fight about what kind of firepit we should have in the backyard. And in the end, he bought me my regular wood burning fire pit, but he always complains that it's not gas powered. I like the smell of fire.
 
Jason Hilton  28:24
Not when it's like blowing directly on me.
 
Mary Clay Watt  28:26
That's nice until -- you know what, Christina? I was with you until I thought about the actual situation of sitting around a fire and then there's always that one person the smoke is always blowing in, you know?
 
Christina Kann  28:42
Pkay, but I have a couch back there now. Can I interest you in a couch? Last time you were here, there wasn't a couch.
 
Jason Hilton  28:47
Can I interest you in a smokeless couch?
 
Mary Clay Watt  28:51
If I'm sitting on the couch, the smoke is still gonna blow at me when I'm on the couch.
 
Christina Kann  28:55
I'll protect you. So Harry goes to speak to Mr. Weasley--
 
Mary Clay Watt  29:00
The fly! The fly was not dead. It got back up.
 
Jason Hilton  29:04
It was pretending!
 
Mary Clay Watt  29:05
It got back up and flew away. Oh my god. It was literally lying on the floor. And I saw it go by I was like, "Are you kidding me? There's another goddamn fly."
 
Jason Hilton  29:12
I would recognize that fly anywhere.
 
Mary Clay Watt  29:14
The thrilling saga continues.
 
Christina Kann  29:17
That happens a lot in my house because the kittens don't like to eat the flies. They just like to take them down. So they'll bring down a fly and carry it around, and I think it gets all wet with spit, and then like three hours later it dries off and can fly away. They don't kill these flies. Cats are insane. So Harry's like, "Mr. Weasley, it's boarded up," and Mr. Weasley's like, "What the fuck?" But he's excited that there's an "eclectic" fireplace. And then Ron shows up. Have you ever seen a fireplace that all of these people could fit in at the same time?
 
Jason Hilton  30:02
No --
 
Mary Clay Watt  30:03
I guess they're up in the chimney.
 
Jason Hilton  30:04
Yeah.
 
Mary Clay Watt  30:04
That's what I have imagined is that like they're stacked on top of each other.
 
Jason Hilton  30:09
The logistics of everything was confusing me. I was like "That's the only way."
 
Christina Kann  30:13
*dying laughing* STACKED ON TOP OF EACH OTHER UP THE CHIMNEY!
 
Mary Clay Watt  30:19
Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I guess that's the only thing I can think of.
 
Jason Hilton  30:24
Wait, why did so many people need to come?
 
Mary Clay Watt  30:26
Yeah, that's what I don't get. Maybe, I would say Ron could come because it's his friend, but if you want to make the matter simpler, just have Arthur Apparate in, and then Harry can just hold on to his arm and then Apparate out, but maybe JK Rowling hadn't invented that concept yet. I love this moment when Ron pops in and says, "What are we doing here? Has something gone wrong?" "Oh no, Ron," said Fred's voice very sarcastically. "No, this is exactly where we wanted to end up." "Yeah, we're having the time of our lives here," said George.
 
Christina Kann  31:05
I love them so much. So Mr. Weasley finally just straight-up blasts the fireplace open. And the Weasleys all fall out.
 
Mary Clay Watt  31:16
Imagine like a slide, I guess, because they're all stacked on top of each other.
 
Christina Kann  31:22
And then Mr. Weasley tries to go politely introduce himself.
 
Jason Hilton  31:26
Yeah, I love his very bold attempts to try to win him over with kindness or politeness. It's like, "Hello. I just destroyed your living room. How's it going?"
 
Mary Clay Watt  31:39
Oh, it would be so pissed.
 
Jason Hilton  31:40
I know. I'm kind of with the Dursleys on this one. 100%
 
Mary Clay Watt  31:43
Filthy.
 
Christina Kann  31:44
Okay, but -- but to Mr. Weasley, this is something that can be fixed with magic in like 10 seconds, you know?
 
Mary Clay Watt  31:51
Yeah.
 
Jason Hilton  31:52
Yeah, he better.
 
Christina Kann  31:53
He has no idea. He's trying so hard.
 
Jason Hilton  31:54
How can you still not pronounce "electric" right? He's been working at the Ministry for years!
 
Christina Kann  32:00
No one will talk to him about "ekel-tricity."
 
Mary Clay Watt  32:03
And we find out that he collects plugs. So he should know that it's pronounced "electric."
 
Jason Hilton  32:13
Yeah. I always wondered what goes on at a Muggle research because I'm like, "Can't you just go to a library?" Like a Muggle library? And find out like everything about them? We are really good at recording like literally everything about ourselves.
 
Christina Kann  32:30
Yeah, that is true. We love to do that.
 
Jason Hilton  32:33
But it's less fun that way.
 
Christina Kann  32:34
So the Dursleys back away from Mr. Weasley in fear and horror. He tries to explain the Floo network to them, kind of -- well, he tries to explain -- "Well, this happened because we hooked you up to the Floo network." And he's just talking. He's like, "I can fix everything. Don't even worry about it." But they are actually in fact worried about it. I don't think they say almost a thing for like the rest of this chapter.
 
Mary Clay Watt  33:04
Yeah, they're just standing there in shock. Yeah.
 
Jason Hilton  33:07
Yeah. And there's very, very graphic depictions of what Uncle Vernon's face is doing right now. And Aunt Petunia "chewing her tongue," which sounds really painful. She doesn't even say a word in this chapter.
 
Christina Kann  33:25
I think I know what that means. I have this like thing that I do that where I like, kind of chew the inside of my mouth a little bit.
 
Jason Hilton  33:33
Oh, I do that, but your tongue? I don't --ow! That's a British thing.
 
Christina Kann  33:38
I think it's like the same kind of thing, though. You know what I mean?
 
Mary Clay Watt  33:53
Listeners, try at home.
 
Christina Kann  33:56
Hit us up if you're a tongue chewer, let us know.
 
Jason Hilton  34:00
Like and subscribe.
 
Christina Kann  34:02
Like and subscribe, all tongue chewers. Fred and George are like "Lol, we'll go get your trunk, Harry."
 
Jason Hilton  34:11
They really want to see what Dudley looks like. Probably.
 
Christina Kann  34:14
Yeah, they've never met him and they lay eyes on him and then they decide to ruin his fucking life.
 
Jason Hilton  34:22
Essentially poison him.
 
Christina Kann  34:24
Yes!
 
Mary Clay Watt  34:26
It is a funny note -- again, not that this is the chapter that we're discussing -- but in the next chapter, you know, Arthur tries to chastise them for what they do. And they're like, "In our defense, we didn't do it because he's a Muggle. We did it because he's terrible. I mean, he's actually the worst."
 
Christina Kann  34:44
It's true.
 
Jason Hilton  34:44
He got the pigtail already.
 
Mary Clay Watt  34:47
I think we're good now.
 
Jason Hilton  34:48
Well, he's continually horrible to him. He didn't really learn his lesson the first time.
 
Christina Kann  34:52
I maintain that he hasn't done anything this book that we've seen.
 
Jason Hilton  34:55
Yes.
 
Christina Kann  34:56
So Mr. Weasley is trying to make small talk but he also just can't contain his excitement about like the Muggle shit around him. It's very adorable.
 
Jason Hilton  35:08
It's like when I'm someone you barely know, like a friend of a friend or an in-law or something, who like, doesn't really know that much about you, but knows that you own batteries. So that's like the only thing he -- that's like the first thing he brings up. He's like, "I have a collection of batteries. My wife thinks I'm mad."
 
Mary Clay Watt  35:30
There's a note from narrator Harry, that's like, "The Dursleys probably did think him mad."
 
Christina Kann  35:36
Yeah, so Dudley returns to the room because Fred and George scared him.
 
Jason Hilton  35:42
He smells candy.
 
Christina Kann  35:43
And he smells candy. Mr. Weasley also tries and fails to make small talk with him. I think Mr. Weasley has it right. He looks at Dudley and he's like "That is a poor, stupid boy who doesn't stand a chance." And he uses his extra nice voice on him.
 
Jason Hilton  36:00
Yeah, I appreciate that. He's like, trying his best. He knows these people are awful to him, and he really could just be as cold as possible to them, but he's really trying his best to come off like a respectable, nice person.
 
Mary Clay Watt  36:15
Also, it's such a dad thing for him to be -- he says "Having a nice holiday?" Like, "How's your summer vacation going?"
 
Jason Hilton  36:22
Oh, yeah. "How's school going?"
 
Mary Clay Watt  36:24
"How's your break from school?" You know, that's such an appropriate dad question to ask.
 
Jason Hilton  36:29
"What's your major again?"
 
Christina Kann  36:31
I asked you how your summer break when at the beginning of this episode. They call me Pod Daddy. So Fred and George return with Harry's trunk, and Mr. Weasley magically lights a fire in the hearth, and he pulls out some Floo Powder. And he's like, "Fred, you go" and but on his way out Fred "spills" a massive bag of candy.
 
Jason Hilton  36:59
Quote, unquote, "accidentally spilled."
 
Mary Clay Watt  37:02
Oh, no, these candies fell out of my pocket.
 
Jason Hilton  37:05
Stop, no, come back.
 
Mary Clay Watt  37:06
Darn!
 
Christina Kann  37:07
Oh, sorry! Are you on a diet? I'll get these away from you.
 
Jason Hilton  37:12
Go ahead. They're low fat.
 
Christina Kann  37:16
But like don't even worry about it because he gathers them up and then he leaves. He's gone. It's done. Never to worry. And then George goes next with Harry's trunk. And then Ron goes, and then it's Harry's turn. So Harry says goodbye. Obviously they don't answer him. And then Harry tries to leave, but Mr. Weasley stops him and asks the Dursleys if they heard Harry say bye. Arthur's like "Okay, well, you guys aren't even being like human decency levels with like this kid, hold the phone."
 
Jason Hilton  37:52
He's got a lot on his mind currently at the moment though. It's like, "What am I gonna do about this hole in my wall?" And he's coated with soot. No one wants soot.
 
Christina Kann  38:06
Arthur just really knows how to take things in stride and he's trying to encourage other people to do the same.
 
Jason Hilton  38:11
Yeah, I think that was captured pretty well by they actor. He always felt like such a sweetheart, you know?
 
Christina Kann  38:18
Absolutely.
 
Jason Hilton  38:19
Just wants the best for everyone.
 
Christina Kann  38:21
He makes Uncle Vernon say goodbye. Like the shittiest goodbye.
 
Jason Hilton  38:25
Even though Harry really doesn't care.
 
Christina Kann  38:28
Yeah, he doesn't care at all. But it's important to Mr. Weasley. Mr. Weasley's like, "I'm uncomfortable leaving this conversation without this social norm. You got to tell him bye, dude." Alright, so then Harry like goes to walk into the fireplace but -- dun dun DUN -- there's a gagging sound, and Dursley's on the floor--
 
Mary Clay Watt  38:53
Dudley.
 
Christina Kann  38:54
Oh, yeah. What did I say?
 
Mary Clay Watt  38:56
Dursley. NOOOO WHERE'D IT GO??? Every now and then in this recording you'll just hear--
 
Jason Hilton  39:05
No, it's the most exciting thing about this chapter, so.
 
Mary Clay Watt  39:09
The fly!
 
Jason Hilton  39:10
Tune in next time for the fly!
 
Christina Kann  39:15
Yeah, so Dudley is on the floor. He's basically choking on his own giant tongue. You look like you're getting sworn in.
 
Jason Hilton  39:25
She's just like waiting.
 
Mary Clay Watt  39:26
Oh. OH! What now?
 
Jason Hilton  39:30
Doubletap! Doubletap!
 
Mary Clay Watt  39:31
Oh, I got it. I got it. I'm gonna send you guys a picture
 
Christina Kann  39:36
Murder!
 
Mary Clay Watt  39:38
Murder she wrote! Murder she did. Okay anyway.
 
Jason Hilton  39:44
Murder she do.
 
Mary Clay Watt  39:48
Here, I'll send it in Discord, and then people will have context for this a week later.
 
Jason Hilton  39:53
Just send it now. No caption whatsoever. Just a dead fly. Everyone's going to be like, "Is Mary Clay okay?"
 
Christina Kann  40:12
Just say "no context spoilers for next week."
 
Mary Clay Watt  40:16
Okay, there we go.
 
Jason Hilton  40:18
Okay. All right back to Dudley's tongue.
 
Mary Clay Watt  40:22
Bitch. What now?
 
Christina Kann  40:26
Um, yeah, so Dudley is choking on his own giant tongue. He must be so scared. I'm so sad for him in this chapter.
 
Mary Clay Watt  40:36
This isn't something that is really a practical joke. Later -- I think in the next book -- they evolve this trick to have the cure attached to it. So it's not something that you're going to be stuck with forever. So I think that's fine and funny to trick your friends into eating some candy and then it's like, "Oh, your tongue's massive. Haha. Alright, here's the antidote."
 
Christina Kann  41:04
Later in the book, Neville just turns -- there's a line something like "Neville caused a minor disruption by suddenly turning into a large canary" because he ate a canary creamer or whatever. That's hilarious. This is bullying.
 
Mary Clay Watt  41:21
It's just a funny line.
 
Jason Hilton  41:25
No, he has to go to the hospital for this.
 
Mary Clay Watt  41:28
It's also the fact that they left the candy, and then, Arthur was one minute 30 seconds away from leaving. I think it could have been different if they were going to be with Dudley for the next, you know, day, where like, a wizard could come in and fix this immediately. But they gave him the candy, not knowing -- we find out later this is a test -- not knowing what it would do to him, they left this candy for him. That's just mean.
 
Jason Hilton  42:05
Yeah, but it's always with like that kind of cynicism that that JK Rowling does where--
 
Mary Clay Watt  42:12
Ooh, it's twitching.
 
Jason Hilton  42:13
Oh, God.
 
Mary Clay Watt  42:17
The cynicism that JK Rowling does, continue.
 
Jason Hilton  42:19
Yeah, where like, it's always like, these people are mean so it's okay to laugh at them. And it's okay to be mean to them. The pig tail was one thing. Him almost choking on his own tongue is a different thing. They wouldn't even know if he ate them while they were still there. So what if he ate them like two hours later and there was no wizards around?
 
Mary Clay Watt  42:42
Yeah, exactly.
 
Jason Hilton  42:43
And be like, "What the hell is happening?" This sounds horrifying, and it's probably for the best that they didn't put this in the movie because I don't think any kid would be okay with seeing a giant purple python coming out of a kid's mouth.
 
Mary Clay Watt  42:57
Oh, that's right. The movie just opens with like, Harry like having a bad dream?
 
Jason Hilton  43:04
Yeah. He's just at the Burrow. I think they were wise in saying, "We don't you don't need to know how he got to the Burrow. We just need him to be at the Burrow."
 
Christina Kann  43:14
Yeah. For sure.
 
Jason Hilton  43:15
Because I was looking ahead and I was like, "Oh God, the Quidditch World Cup doesn't even start for another 50 pages."
 
Christina Kann  43:23
Tell me about it. They don't even get to Hogwarts until, I think, page 130.
 
Mary Clay Watt  43:31
Yeah, it's crazy.
 
Jason Hilton  43:32
Wow.
 
Christina Kann  43:32
It's bananas.
 
Mary Clay Watt  43:33
They don't even leave the Shire till page 150. Same kind of energy.
 
Jason Hilton  43:41
When I was younger, this was probably the longest book I've ever read. I think it possibly still is. Is Deathly Hallows longer?
 
Mary Clay Watt  43:49
Order of the Phoenix is.
 
Christina Kann  43:50
Is it really? I thought this was the longest one.
 
Mary Clay Watt  43:53
No, Order the Phoenix is the longest.
 
Jason Hilton  43:54
Oh, so that's the longest book I've ever read, I guess. Because I don't think I've ever read anything over 800 pages.
 
Christina Kann  43:59
I've mentioned before that this is the book that made me believe as a kid that I could  read big books, because I could just destroy this.
 
Jason Hilton  44:09
It is pretty magical -- no pun intended -- how we kind of grew up to be their ages as the books were coming out. So it was like, "Ooh, we're 14 now, we can handle this kind of book." You know?
 
Christina Kann  44:23
Yeah. Yeah. I think the longest book I've ever read was one of the Game of Thrones. Game of Thrones Five, whatever the fuck that book is.
 
Jason Hilton  44:31
I mean, if you want to count Lord of the Rings as one book.
 
Mary Clay Watt  44:33
I was gonna say, yeah.
 
Christina Kann  44:34
No, I don't.
 
Mary Clay Watt  44:36
A thousand pages.
 
Jason Hilton  44:39
I've always wondered about getting that edition of Lord of the Rings. It's like all three books combined into one.
 
Mary Clay Watt  44:44
When I was a kid, I would go to the library and specifically pick out large books for the sole purpose -- This is something that like I'm really just realizing now -- for the sole purpose of being like, "Look at my giant book that I'm reading. Aren't I better than you and your fucking Frog and Toad?" What is it? Mr. Toad and Frog?
 
Christina Kann  45:07
There's the Slytherin in her. We're seeing the Slytherin side. It is Frog and Toad. They're friends, they love each other.
 
Mary Clay Watt  45:16
I was reading one of their stories to a kid last week was babysitting, snd it's just so delightful. I think Frog and Toad could easily be hobbits, you know? The whole plot of this story is that Toad made a list and it's like, "Wake up, get out of bed, get dressed," and it would be like, "And then he got dressed, and he crossed it off the list." And then it was like, "Go see Frog," and he would go and see Frog and then it was like, "And then he crossed it off the list." And it was just so simplistic, but I was like, "This is wonderful." The plot twist in the story is that he lost his list and was like, "But what do I do next? I don't have my list!"
 
Christina Kann  46:09
Relatable.
 
Jason Hilton  46:10
Frog talk and fly talk. This is great.
 
Christina Kann  46:13
I feel like my life is just an elaborate series of lists. Okay, so we're on the floor.
 
Jason Hilton  46:22
We're on the ground.
 
Christina Kann  46:23
With Dudley! He's having a bad day!
 
Jason Hilton  46:27
Is there anything like a detail or something you could talk about?
 
actual ghost probably  46:32
How bout now?
 
Mary Clay Watt  46:33
What was that?
 
Christina Kann  46:34
What was that?
 
Mary Clay Watt  46:35
Do you not hear that?
 
Jason Hilton  46:36
Sorry. Let me turn that off.
 
Mary Clay Watt  46:39
What the hell?
 
actual ghost probably  46:40
Can you hear me now?
 
Jason Hilton  46:43
A weird thing--
 
Mary Clay Watt  46:44
It's still going! I heard it. I heard something just say "Can you hear me now?"
 
Jason Hilton  46:48
Okay, my house is like kind of haunted, but it's not really. So what happens--
 
Mary Clay Watt  46:53
I can hear it.
 
Jason Hilton  46:54
You can still hear it?
 
Mary Clay Watt  46:55
It's still talking.
 
Jason Hilton  46:56
Oh my god.
 
actual ghost probably  46:58
*mumbles*
 
Mary Clay Watt  46:58
Hang on, be quiet for a second.
 
Jason Hilton  47:00
I can't hear it.
 
Mary Clay Watt  47:03
Shh. This is so freaky.
 
Jason Hilton  47:07
Wait, wait does it sound like a hillbilly voice?
 
Mary Clay Watt  47:11
Yeah!
 
Jason Hilton  47:12
Yeah, yeah, it's weird because I can't hear right now, but you can. It must be coming through my microphone or something. But okay, so what happens specifically in my house -- and I don't know why it happens--
 
actual ghost probably  47:24
*mumbles*
 
Jason Hilton  47:25
I pick up radio signals.
 
Mary Clay Watt  47:26
It's still go ing!
 
Jason Hilton  47:27
Yep. I hope like -- oh god, I hope my audio isn't recording it. Oh, darn it.
 
actual ghost probably  47:34
*mumbles about microphones*
 
Mary Clay Watt  47:35
I really hope that picks up on the recording.
 
actual ghost probably  47:38
I know that.
 
Mary Clay Watt  47:40
He said "I know that." Sir, can you hear us?
 
Jason Hilton  47:46
Probably not.
 
Christina Kann  47:48
Guys, I can't with this. I'm easily spooked.
 
Mary Clay Watt  47:52
It's like those urban legends you hear about a family's baby monitor, like a dude was listening in on their baby monitor or something, you know?
 
Christina Kann  48:02
Shut up!
 
Jason Hilton  48:03
Yeah, so what really happens is we pick up radio signals for some reason. I've looked into it several times.
 
Christina Kann  48:10
Have you ever talked to Sean about your audio haunting?
 
Mary Clay Watt  48:13
It's insane!
 
Jason Hilton  48:15
It is really weird because I do hear these conversations between people -- Sometimes, if I leave like my stereo on or my receiver on, I can hear it. My guitar amp picks it up.
 
Christina Kann  48:26
That's hauntening! That's a hauntening.
 
Jason Hilton  48:28
It's not haunting! It's really fucking annoying.
 
Mary Clay Watt  48:31
It's a haunting. Your house is haunted by a ghost who was like a radio DJ, I think.
 
Jason Hilton  48:40
It happened to me before. I pick up these guys who still communicate via like walkie talkie or ham radio or something.
 
Mary Clay Watt  48:47
Yo we were just talking about -- that's how we started the episode! We were talking about that we needed to end over sentences with "over>'
 
Jason Hilton  48:53
And these guys came to help us! How nice of them.
 
Mary Clay Watt  48:58
Okay, we were talking about Dudley's tongue and it's terrible. He's on the floor. He's choking.
 
Christina Kann  49:04
I'm choking because I've been laughing too hard. Let me take a sip of water.
 
Mary Clay Watt  49:08
That's so freaky.
 
Jason Hilton  49:09
Welcome to my life.
 
Christina Kann  49:12
All right. Where are we?
 
Mary Clay Watt  49:14
I can't wait. Christina, please tell me when you are editing this if it picks it up.
 
Jason Hilton  49:21
I hope it doesn't.
 
Christina Kann  49:21
I'm gonna have to make Sean sit in the room with me while I listen to it because I'm not brave enough.
 
Mary Clay Watt  49:26
It was around one hour, the one-hour audio.
 
actual ghost probably  49:30
I'm talking on the mic that came with the radio. Can you hear me?
 
Mary Clay Watt  49:34
Did you just hear--?
 
Christina Kann  49:36
He's talking on the mic that came with the radio!
 
Mary Clay Watt  49:39
"Can you hear me?" is what he said. I wish this was juicier.
 
Jason Hilton  49:45
I wish I could hear it.
 
Mary Clay Watt  49:51
Okay. Let's keep going through the chapter.
 
Christina Kann  49:54
I'm trying to hold it together.
 
Jason Hilton  49:55
They never talk about anything interesting. I can't even understand them sometimes. Oh, actually, sometimes I think they do know that it happens because I just randomly hear like *incredibly strange sound* like someone making these really weird noises on purpose. I feel like he knows that people can hear him. I don't know. I wish I could find this man.
 
Christina Kann  50:23
Oh my god, that is too scary.
 
Mary Clay Watt  50:25
It's so freaky!
 
Jason Hilton  50:26
I've lived in the house for three years and I wish I could meet this man and just punch him because he's interrupted so many things. It happened on my fucking soundbar for my TV! This fucking guy's voice would come in through it.
 
Christina Kann  50:40
Have you talked to your neighbors?
 
Mary Clay Watt  50:42
Have you talked to the FBI?
 
Christina Kann  50:44
And or the FBI?
 
Jason Hilton  50:46
No. I've looked into it. I've even got like these clips all over my microphones that are supposed to suppress any signals coming in. And it still doesn't -- it works. It happens less. I don't know if that has anything to do with it. But that's the only thing I've been able to do so far. I think it has something to do with the wiring in my house. It's really old.
 
Mary Clay Watt  51:07
Oh my god.
 
Jason Hilton  51:09
I don't know. But it happened to me a few times in my last apartment.
 
Christina Kann  51:13
Okay, we're haunted. We're haunted and I'm moving on.
 
Jason Hilton  51:15
It's Halloween. We're spooky.
 
Mary Clay Watt  51:17
Forge onward; forge onward.
 
Christina Kann  51:19
Forge onward. So next here's what happens: all hell breaks loose. And Petunia tries to pull Dudley's tongue out of his mouth. Question mark. Why?
 
Jason Hilton  51:29
Incorrect first aid procedure. If someone has a swollen tongue, don't rip it out.
 
Christina Kann  51:35
Yeah, that's just like so the wrong move.
 
Mary Clay Watt  51:37
You need to get it out of -- maybe not try to rip it out, but pull it out.
 
Jason Hilton  51:40
I don't think she was even aware it was tongue, though. out.
 
Mary Clay Watt  51:43
Yeah, I think that's what it is. Because they're just like, "He's choking on something. Get it out of his mouth."
 
Christina Kann  51:49
Ugh. Okay, so Uncle Vernon and Arthur Weasley start like screaming at each other.
 
Jason Hilton  51:57
It's mostly Vernon screaming.
 
Christina Kann  51:59
Yeah.
 
Mary Clay Watt  52:00
And Arthur's like, "I can fix it if you just let me."
 
Jason Hilton  52:05
But realistically, how can you be calm in this situation at all amd be listening to this dumb ass who blew up in your fireplace and poisoned your son?
 
Mary Clay Watt  52:14
Yeah, I wouldn't necessarily trust him at this point either.
 
Christina Kann  52:18
But the thing is that like magic is the only way that this could just be fixed. You know? I would be like, "Yes, fix this and then you can fuck right off."
 
Jason Hilton  52:27
Yeah.
 
Christina Kann  52:28
But instead, Uncle Vernon starts throwing pieces of china at Mr. Weasley, and Mr. Weasley starts like zapping them out of the air.
 
Jason Hilton  52:38
That my favorite fat-shamey line in this entire chapter is "bellowing like a wounded hippo." "Uncle Vernon snatched up another ornament, bellowing like a wounded hippo." That's a new one.
 
Mary Clay Watt  52:49
Poor hippos.
 
Jason Hilton  52:51
He usually gets called a walrus, so she's diversifying a little bit. These were the magic beasts before they were fantastic.
 
Christina Kann  52:58
So Mr. Weasley yells at Harry to like, just go. So Harry's like, "Yes, I will. I will go."
 
Jason Hilton  53:06
Fair enough.
 
Mary Clay Watt  53:07
Well, he's debating whatever, and then something goes flying right past his head and like smashes. And he's like, "Okay, bye! See you next summer!"
 
Christina Kann  53:19
Yeah, literally. And um, that's that. He deuces.
 
Mary Clay Watt  53:25
That's the end of the chapter. That's it. Should have been combined, I think, with the previous chapter.
 
Christina Kann  53:31
I completely agree.
 
Mary Clay Watt  53:33
Especially cuz this is the book where the chapters really start getting long. I don't know if that's just like her formula of they get longer as the book goes on, and so she doesn't like having long chapters towards the beginning of the book.
 
Christina Kann  53:49
Yeah. We've also talked about different reasons. Maybe some people were starting with this books, since the series was just really starting to get famous when it came out. Or because the other books were so short, they're like, "Okay, don't worry, this is still easy to read," and it's a very slow couple of chapters in the beginning, before gaining momentum really quickly. I totally think that chapters two, three and four should all have been combined into one more concise chapter.
 
Jason Hilton  54:16
Yeah, like a little slightly condensed chapter. Even though, I mean, some of the details are kind of funny, I suppose. But yeah, just want to get to the tournament.
 
Christina Kann  54:27
Let's get to the point!
 
Jason Hilton  54:28
Let's get to the magic Nazis.
 
Mary Clay Watt  54:32
I was even happy to just get to the Burrow, you know? I'll settle for the Burrow.
 
Christina Kann  54:39
It's so bananas that this is called Back to the Burrow and we don't --
 
Jason Hilton  54:45
It's like Back to the Future. They don't go back to the future until the very, very end.
 
Mary Clay Watt  54:48
The very end, yeah. It's like Desolation of Smaug. Smaug doesn't show up until one hour and 52 minutes.
 
Jason Hilton  54:53
And he doesn't even get desolated until the next movie.
 
Mary Clay Watt  54:56
Oh, don't get me started stupid. I have a full probably combined one hours' worth of content just on that,
 
Jason Hilton  55:09
It really didn't need to be three movies.
 
Mary Clay Watt  55:11
Don't. I literally have an entire thing is so fucking series of episodes dedicated to this issue.
 
Jason Hilton  55:16
No I believe you.
 
Christina Kann  55:20
Hey guys? Hey guys?
 
Christina Kann  55:21
Harry Potter.
 
Christina Kann  55:22
This is actually -- this is the wrong podcast. I don't have anything better to say, though. Does anyone have any final thoughts about this chapter?
 
Jason Hilton  55:31
It was a slightly horrifying, but . . .  meh?
 
Christina Kann  55:35
It was definitely stressful.
 
Jason Hilton  55:36
It had the Weasleys, so that's a plus.
 
actual ghost probably  55:38
*mumble mumble* right down the street.
 
Jason Hilton  55:41
Oh are they coming back? Dammit.
 
Christina Kann  55:43
I just like can't get it together.
 
Jason Hilton  55:45
I don't blame you.
 
Christina Kann  55:46
Like, I can't endure the ghost voice.
 
Mary Clay Watt  55:49
This is Jason's blast appearance on the podcast.
 
Jason Hilton  55:55
Sir, can you please get off this line? We're hosting a Harry Potter podcast, we're trying to be serious.
 
Mary Clay Watt  56:02
It's a very serious podcast.
 
Jason Hilton  56:03
It's very professional.
 
Mary Clay Watt  56:05
A third of this episode was definitely not about me killing a fly.
 
Christina Kann  56:12
Alright, any final thoughts about this chapter?
 
Mary Clay Watt  56:15
No.
 
Jason Hilton  56:15
No. Ghost man was more interesting than this chapter.
 
Mary Clay Watt  56:18
I just want to add in for next week that one of my favorite favorite parts is when they walk out into the yard, and Bill and Charlie have the tables floating in the air and they're just banging them against each other, just because.
 
Christina Kann  56:33
Yeah.
 
Jason Hilton  56:33
I was wondering what that picture was about. I was like, "What happens in the next chapter?" I don't read very often. I don't know how to.
 
Mary Clay Watt  56:41
That's the end of the episode.
 
Christina Kann  56:46
No, no, no.
 
Jason Hilton  56:47
All right.
 
Christina Kann  56:48
Let's move on to plugs. I would love to start by plugging our Patreon. For as little as $1 a month, you can join our Discord community and support the podcast.
 
Mary Clay Watt  57:00
See that picture of the fly!
 
Christina Kann  57:02
Yeah, exactly. And for the $5 month tier, you get bonus episodes. And this month, we covered My Immortal, the fanfic and its lore. So that was incredibly fun. That was like the most fun I've had -- I love our bonus episodes. So I definitely recommend signing up for our Patreon. Link is in the show notes. Jason, thank you so much for joining us. Where can people find you on the internet?
 
Jason Hilton  57:30
You can find me on Instagram @picturesofjay and Twitter @picturesofjay90. And you can find all of us at the Movie Night Crew Podcast, where every Sunday we review a different movie. So if you want to hear Tina and Haley and Brooke talk about anything that's not Harry Potter, then you can come, and we talk about a lot of different types of movies. We all just bring in our collective tastes and suggestions and force our friends to watch what we like. And sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, snd sometimes it's really funny. Not to burst my own bubble, but -- wait, that's not the right phrase. Not to toot --
 
Christina Kann  58:20
Toot your own horn.
 
Jason Hilton  58:21
Not to toot my own horn, but some episodes have been pretty good so far. I don't know how to advertise myself, by the way.
 
Christina Kann  58:29
You're doing great.
 
Mary Clay Watt  58:30
You did a great job.
 
Jason Hilton  58:30
But something to plug that's not my podcast. If you have HBO Max, I would recommend watching a show called At Home with Amy Sedaris. Do you guys -- are you familiar with that particular comedian?
 
Mary Clay Watt  58:43
No.
 
Jason Hilton  58:44
 It's like a fake cooking show, but it's like an old-fashioned cooking show from like the 1960s where they teach you how to do everything, but it's like, lame crafts and stuff. It's kind of a sketch show, but Amy Sedaris is really funny. She's a really funny comedian. If you watch Bojack Horseman, she plays the cat manager, that voice.
 
Christina Kann  59:09
Princess Carolyn!
 
Jason Hilton  59:11
Yeah, so that's her. She just pretends to be this person whose basically entire life is to do this, this cooking show or this home network show, and it's so old-fashioned. She's got a funny accent. She does multiple characters. It's really bizarre sometimes. If you like, kind of like Adult Swim humor sometimes, it's pretty funny. So if you can get HBO Max, there's three seasons of it. And it's a it's a funny sketch show. So that's my plug: At Home with Amy Sedaris.
 
Christina Kann  59:40
Hell yeah. Thank you so much. That's linked in the show notes. Mary Clay, there you are. Where can people find you on the internet?
 
Mary Clay Watt  59:47
Yeah, you can listen to That's What I'm Tolkien About wherever you get podcasts. Right now, I'm covering the Hobbit movies. You can follow me on Instagram @mc -- what? What is Instagram handle? Follow me on Instagram @meturndownforwhat and you can follow me on Twitter @mcwattsup. And it's funny you mentioned Bojack because that's what I was gonna plug. I watched Bojack for the first time this summer. I watched the first couple episodes years ago, and I was like, "I am not into this. I'm not feeling this." And then this summer, I was like, "I need to stop watching this same three shows over and over again. I'm going to force myself to watch a new show," and it was Bojack. I finished it and was like, "That was a damn good show. That was really, really excellent. That was amazing." So if you have not watched Bojack, definitely give the first season a try. Power through; it kind of takes a couple episodes to get into the world, get into the characters, and get some of the quippy humor, and also get familiar with the the depressing feelings that you'll get in touch with throughout the season.
 
Jason Hilton  1:01:13
That is a good post-2020 show.
 
Christina Kann  1:01:17
I've been your host Christina. You can follow me on Instagram @christinathekann. You can follow me on Twitter @christina_kann. You can follow me on TikTok @sproutsprivatestash. I would like to recommend that everyone watch The Way of the House Husband on Netflix. Haley plugged it several months ago, and it's a very silly little anime about this gangster-turned-house-husband who handles all of his housekeeping duties with the same intensity that he handled like, gang activities, like mob activities. And it's very hilarious. They're short little episodes that have like -- they're like bite size; they're not very much substance. But like, fun to watch, you know? Dope! Well Jason, thank you so much for joining us for this most silliest of episodes.
 
Jason Hilton  1:02:11
Thanks for having me on again.
 
Christina Kann  1:02:12
Yes. And Mary Clay, there you are. I'm so glad to have you back.
 
Mary Clay Watt  1:02:17
Hi, I'm here with the remains of the fly sitting next to me still.
 
Christina Kann  1:02:23
Alright gang, I gotta go finish reading "The Floo and You: Hooking Your Home to the Floo Network" before this book starts throwing china at me. Bye!
 
Mary Clay Watt  1:02:36
Bye!
 
Jason Hilton  1:02:36
That was great.
 
Christina Kann  1:02:39
The Restricted Section is a member of the Movie Night Crew Network, which features other amazing podcasts such as its namesake, Movie Night Crew, which is an extra chaotic podcast featuring the gang just shooting the shit about whatever movie they just watched.
 
trailer  1:02:52
All righty. It's movie night. Grab your popcorn, grab your coffee. Grab your friend. Grab a cat. And let's go! Who directed this? What year did it come out? Is that that girl from that show? Who wrote this? Was the cat? Who would you rather bang? Does this pass the Bechdel test? What about the Steve Buscemi test? Does a woman literally speak in this movie? Oh my god a dog. This reminds me of in Harry Potter. When Are we recording? What are the critics say? It's a guilty pleasure. What's your rating? Can you be quiet? Oh my god. Movie Night Crew. It's just like watching movies with your friends and then arguing about it after. Every Sunday wherever you get podcasts.
 
Christina Kann  1:03:49
The Restricted Section was created by me, Christina Kann, based on the book series by JK Rowling. All music by Ryan Kann. Logo by Michael Hardison. Support us on patreon.com/restrictedsection. For as little as $1 a month, you can gain access to our Discord community server, which is a really happy place to be, and there are other rewards as well, such as bonus episodes and Zoom happy hour hangouts. Be sure to follow us on Instagram @restrictedsectionpod, on Twitter @restrictedpod, and on Facebook @restrictedsectionpod. Also feel free to shoot us an email at [email protected] to share your thoughts, feelings, complaints, conspiracy theories, or even lavish praise.
 
Christina Kann  1:04:36
Alright, cool, well 1-2-3 byeee.
 
all  1:04:51
Bye!!!