4.0 Goblet of Fire Pregame (episode transcript)

SPEAKERS
Mary-Peyton Crook, Brooke Matherly, Grace Ball, Siri, Christina Kann
 
Christina Kann  00:24
Hello and welcome to The Restricted Section. We are a raunchy, rowdy, rambling, unabashedly pro trans rights Harry Potter book club podcast hosted by a bunch of millennial nihilistic assholes who are desperately clinging to childhood fantasy as a way to escape the monotony of our nine-to-five work culture and the inevitable extinction of the human race at our own hands. Isn't it wild that this book series was spontaneously created by the gods and has no actual author? Welcome to the show!
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  00:58
Wow. Am I in therapy right now?
 
Brooke Matherly  01:01
Did you write that? Surely you wrote that.
 
Christina Kann  01:04
I wrote that.
 
Grace Ball  01:05
That was beautiful.
 
Brooke Matherly  01:06
You know, that was like really good. You should consider writing more. Have you thought about being a writer at all?
 
Christina Kann  01:11
No. Actually, you're the first person who's ever said that to me.
 
Brooke Matherly  01:14
I think you have a hidden talent here.
 
Christina Kann  01:16
Whoa, okay. Wait, I'll think about that, actually, for a little while. I'll think about it. It is my supreme honor to be joined today by my assiduous friend Grace! Say hello to the listeners, Grace.
 
Grace Ball  01:26
Hello, listeners.
 
Christina Kann  01:28
It is my most delicious privilege to be joined as well by my astute buddy Brooke. Say hello to the listeners, Brooke.
 
Brooke Matherly  01:35
I'm so excited that you came up with new adjectives for this season.
 
Christina Kann  01:38
I wrote them ahead of time and they all mean things that actually describe you.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  01:44
Delicious.
 
Christina Kann  01:47
And, last but never least, it is my most excellent pleasure to be joined by my sardonic pal, Mary-Peyton! Say hello to the listeners, Mary-Peyton.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  01:55
You really nailed it. Hello!
 
Christina Kann  01:56
Hey, we're here! We're recording! I've truly missed this podcast so much. I do think breaks are important, but you know, absence makes the heart grow fonder. And I'm more excited about this podcast than I've ever been in this moment. So thank you guys so much for joining me today. We're doing a little bit of a Goblet of Fire introduction. Not that anyone really needs an introduction. A little bit of like a mail bag, owl mail, Ask Me Anything, just doing a whole lot of hyping up.
 
Brooke Matherly  02:30
We're here to guzzle from the goblet baby.
 
Christina Kann  02:33
Yeah, we're just guzzling over here. I'm like actively burping from my Moscow mule as I'm trying to get that line out. So, before we go any further, some housekeeping stuff from over the summer: We have a couple of new patrons that deserve a shoutout. We're super grateful for our patrons. We love them so much. So this one's for you, Anna and Foster. They're awesome. We met them both on our Discord server after they signed up. And we're just like, so grateful to have them as part of our community. So thank you Anna, thank you Foster, for supporting the podcast. It's because of you that we can do cool things, like this season, we're going to start posting transcriptions of every episode to make them more accessible to people who are hard of hearing.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  03:16
Awesome.
 
Brooke Matherly  03:18
Wait wait wait, who reported they had a hard time hearing your voice?
 
Christina Kann  03:24
Nobody, I'm doing it preemptively. Our patrons help us be able to do really awesome things like that. Speaking of the Patreon, please join us! Support our efforts to be as inclusive as possible by becoming a patron. You can find that link in the show notes. Alright, that's quite enough. We have some really awesome emails from listeners, we have some questions from some of our patrons, and I also have some discussion topics as well. But before we get started, Grace, Mary-Peyton, I know you've read this book a lot. I have also read it a lot. I just wanted to start with getting Brooke's one-minute summary of the Goblet of Fire. Are you up for that, babe?
 
Brooke Matherly  04:08
Oh, boy. Okay. All right, hold on.
 
Grace Ball  04:11
If anyone can do this, it's Brooke.
 
Christina Kann  04:13
Hey, Siri, set a timer for one minute.
 
Siri  04:16
One minute counting down.
 
Brooke Matherly  04:20
Okay, so this . . . Oh, Lord. This book, I haven't read in ages. So this is gonna be primarily me describing the movie, which I have seen far more often, to you. But it's generally that we all arrive at Hogwarts and Dumbledore's like "Hey, spoiler alert: this year, someone else is gonna die. Hey, just kidding. Um, no, seriously, people could die this year. We're doing a whole-ass tournament." And after like a lot of like male ego posturing, the other schools show up. Apparently in all the magical world, there's like one French school full of chicks and there's like one Bulgarian school full of dudes. I already fucked up because I missed the entire beginning where we take a portkey to the whole-ass broom-flying -- Quidditch, that's the word. Man, I'm rusty.
 
Christina Kann  05:07
Ten seconds.
 
Brooke Matherly  05:08
And Death Eater show up and they like burn that ish to the ground. Okay, so now we're back at school, right?
 
Christina Kann  05:13
Four seconds.
 
Brooke Matherly  05:14
We're like, okay, we're gonna do this whole tournament, we do the tournament. Harry gets stuck in a maze. All of a sudden, he's trying to kiss a girl. No, nevermind. It's Cedric, Cedric's dead, oh, my God, MY BOY!!!
 
Christina Kann  05:24
Well done.
 
Grace Ball  05:25
I think that was pretty good.
 
Christina Kann  05:26
Yeah, that was one minute. Thank you so much. That's really important context for this episode and for our listeners moving forward. Brooke, do you remember reading this book for the first time?
 
Brooke Matherly  05:37
Yes. This was the first book where I was old enough and caught up enough with this series where I had been like actually reading along that I got to go to a midnight book release. This was my first Harry Potter midnight book release.
 
Christina Kann  05:49
And they were like, "Here, child, have some trauma."
 
Grace Ball  05:52
And you said, "Thank you very much. I'll take it."
 
Brooke Matherly  05:55
I said, "I'm going to stay up and not sleep and not eat anything until I've read this book."
 
Grace Ball  05:59
And this is the first long one. So that was a real commitment.
 
Christina Kann  06:03
It is 730 something pages.
 
Brooke Matherly  06:07
I mean, it's honestly a good thing that this book came after the books had already gotten successful. Because could you imagine trying to convince a publisher to publish a 700? page? children's book?
 
Christina Kann  06:19
No, I mean, hard no. At Brandylane, we automatically reject manuscripts of a certain length.
 
Grace Ball  06:27
We'll check the word count, and then if it's too high, we say "Sorry!"
 
Christina Kann  06:30
Sorry, we just can't. Awesome. So Mary-Peyton, do you remember reading this for the first time? How do you feel about this book? Where does it rank for you?
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  06:42
Yeah. Well, whenever someone asks me which is my favorite book, I always say the seventh one, because it wraps everything up. It's so dark. It's so good. But that one I like because it's like the ending one. It makes sense that that is my favorite of the series. This one really is my favorite book on its own. And yeah, I definitely remember reading this for the first time. Of all the books, I think I remember this one the most going to the book release, and the book was huge, like double the size of the one before -- maybe -- wait, how many--? Do we know how many pages--?
 
Christina Kann  07:17
I think it is possibly like almost three times as long as the previous one. It is absolutely double Book Three.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  07:25
Which was just the most exciting thing for me as a kid who was just obsessed with reading anyways.
 
Christina Kann  07:31
Do y'all remember if we knew ahead of time that it was gonna be so long or if that just really caught everyone off guard?
 
Brooke Matherly  07:39
I remember being at the party, and whether or not the information was publicly available, I remember the first person getting their book because we could see them in line, and they held it up and they were like, "Oh my god, it's so big."
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  07:51
A small like, seven year old child is trying to carry this 20 pound book out.
 
Brooke Matherly  07:56
Notably chunky book.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  07:59
I remember hearing that it was going to be that long before getting it. I don't know how or if I'm just making that up. But I do remember hearing that. And I remember staying up way too late on a school night finishing this book, because it was so freakin good.
 
Christina Kann  08:18
Yeah. It's amazing how fast you can read this book. Here's a little confession time. Here's a little look behind the curtain. I just finished reading this book today, because I'm trying this new thing where I'm really prepared for the podcast that I run. So if I seem freshly traumatized by the story, it's because I absolutely am. It reads so quickly. I was reading like 300 pages of this book in one sitting. It's just absolutely astounding. Grace, what about you? Where does this book fall on your ranking? Do you remember reading it as a kid? What's going on?
 
Grace Ball  08:55
So I don't know if this was the first time I read it. But I did have it read to me. My step-mom, for some reason, read this book and only this book to us kids.
 
Christina Kann  09:06
That's a lot of words.
 
Grace Ball  09:07
So you know, that was kind of cool. I definitely remember her reading like the whole Yule Ball scene. I don't know why.
 
Christina Kann  09:14
That's really awkward. You were like, "Someone is getting felt up in the bushes right now."
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  09:20
Snogging.
 
Grace Ball  09:21
Uh huh. Yeah, again, but this one is definitely my favorite book. So I'm so excited for the reread.
 
Christina Kann  09:27
Yeah, I mean, it's good. It really is. This is the moment where the author who shall not be named started, I think, really trusting the readers. There is so much that goes on in this book. And also it's the first story that Harry gets caught up in that isn't just because he was meddling. This is happening to him, you know?
 
Grace Ball  09:51
Yeah.
 
Christina Kann  09:51
He really doesn't do like almost anything wrong in this whole book. Whereas before, it's like, "Let me go really involve myself in this." So I think also it's the first book where you can kind of actually really root for Harry in a real way.
 
Grace Ball  10:07
Yeah, I do feel like the whole time you kind of feel bad for Harry.
 
Christina Kann  10:11
God so bad for him. Every fucking word from cover to cover. From from the womb to the tomb -- Harry, are you okay? God -- and just -- okay. So like I said, freshly traumatized, trying to move on. So let's start with an email from Jim. Hey, Jim, thank you so much for your email. Jim says, "Hey, I noticed how you said that muggleborns in Harry Potter don't always think to use magic immediately. And it reminded me how in Avatar, The Legend of Korra: Book Three" -- Spoiler alert! I'm saying it before I say the spoiler. Spoiler alert for Legend of Korra at the end of it!
 
Grace Ball  10:52
Dang it.
 
Brooke Matherly  10:52
Wait, Grace. Have you not seen it?
 
Grace Ball  10:54
No.
 
Christina Kann  10:56
Oh, really? Wait, why did I think you had seen a what? Okay, for real. skip ahead to 13 minutes and three seconds, if you would. Mary-Peyton, wait, do you even watch Avatar? I haven't. Okay, well, that's fine. I don't mind spoiling someone who has never seen it.
 
Grace Ball  11:11
I've never seen Korra, which is a mistake.
 
Brooke Matherly  11:13
Do you need to abscond yourself for this email?
 
Grace Ball  11:15
Let me just remove the headphones. Just give me some hand waving when it's okay.
 
Christina Kann  11:20
Mary-Peyton, do you want to abscond, or are you good?
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  11:22
I kind of want to because I still want to see it.
 
Christina Kann  11:25
Alright, take your headphones off.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  11:26
We're just gonna stare at you the whole time, though.
 
Christina Kann  11:28
It's not a question. It's just a cute little parallel. Bye. Bye, everyone. Wow, I thought that I had calculated this correctly, and I had not. Okay. Jim says, "I noticed how you said that muggleborns in Harry Potter don't always think to use magic immediately. And it reminded me how in Legend of Korra: Book Three, the new airbenders behave similarly, where they don't always have the immediate instinct to use their newfound abilities and instead opt for more elaborate plans and maneuvers to escape trouble. I thought that was a very interesting parallel.
 
Brooke Matherly  11:58
That is interesting. I mean, do we really see that play out as much in Harry Potter as we do in Legend of Korra?
 
Christina Kann  12:07
The one thing I'm thinking of is when Hermione is like "Light of fire? But there's no wood!" and Ron has to be like "Are you witch or not?"
 
Brooke Matherly  12:16
Yes.
 
Christina Kann  12:17
One really aggressive example.
 
Brooke Matherly  12:19
But that's like a dropping the ball example. I was wondering if there's like an opposite, you know, where it's a thing where it's like, Hey, we're gonna like . . . I don't know. I guess it's always dropping the ball if you're not thinking to use magic first.
 
Christina Kann  12:30
Yeah. And it's also hard with our characters because Ron is such a dunce and Hermione is so sharp, you know? So it's not the perfect example of a wizardborn to muggleborn situation.
 
Brooke Matherly  12:41
I would like to see more Harry moments. If I could have the series rewritten, I'd like to see more Harry moments of Harry really adjusting to life at Hogwarts because quite frankly, he accepts magic very quickly and falls right into it. He doesn't seem to have any muggle instincts.
 
Christina Kann  12:57
He's just really ready for like anything different.
 
Brooke Matherly  12:59
Yes.
 
Christina Kann  13:00
Okay. I'm going to call the girls back.
 
Brooke Matherly  13:01
Yep.
 
Christina Kann  13:04
Okay, great. And so that's how Sokka ends up killing Katara at the end, and it's like really sad.
 
Grace Ball  13:10
Wait, what?
 
Christina Kann  13:11
I'm just kidding! That would never happen. Not my Sokka.
 
Grace Ball  13:27
No way.
 
Christina Kann  13:28
Okay, here's our next email. Okay, are there any spoilers here? Okay. This is from Foster, one of our new patrons and one of our new friends on the Discord. Hi, Foster, thank you for the email. Foster sent us a list of questions that we may want to discuss.
 
Brooke Matherly  13:44
A list of questions is not a thing I'm particularly optimistic about, I'm not gonna lie.
 
Christina Kann  13:50
I did solicit lists of questions from our listeners.
 
Grace Ball  13:54
So they're following instructions.
 
Christina Kann  13:55
Foster was following my explicit directions. In fact, I posted in the Discord I got this email from Foster approximately 15 minutes later. God bless Foster.
 
Grace Ball  14:04
Foster's the MVP.
 
Brooke Matherly  14:05
Foster, I apologize. You did so well. Good job.
 
Christina Kann  14:09
Okay, Foster asks, "What has been your least favorite chapter so far?"
 
Grace Ball  14:16
Of of all of them?
 
Christina Kann  14:17
Yeah. Let's say in the first three books.
 
Grace Ball  14:20
Well, Brooke's is going to be a Quidditch chapter.
 
Brooke Matherly  14:22
Yes, that's exactly where I was going. The first time he plays Quidditch and catches the Snitch in his mouth is truly just the worst chapter to read.
 
Christina Kann  14:33
And let's say least favorite chapter, not least favorite episode, because we have had on some really excellent guests for some really bad chapters because they make up for the bad chapters.
 
Brooke Matherly  14:42
Oh, God. Yes. The only reason we have ever been able to do an interesting Quidditch chapter is because of Adal Rifai.
 
Christina Kann  14:51
God bless Adal.
 
Brooke Matherly  14:53
Respect on his name, God bless him.
 
Christina Kann  14:55
Any other least favorite chapters?
 
Grace Ball  14:56
I think all of the first chapters so far have been pretty weak, and that's why I'm excited about this first chapter, because it is not weak.
 
Christina Kann  15:04
Spoiler alert. The second chapter sucks worse than they usually do.
 
Grace Ball  15:09
Oh no, I don't remember that.
 
Christina Kann  15:12
Well, because it's literally just like okay, let's put this cool chapter first and then it's like, okay, well the next chapter is *scathing* "HARRY POTTER WAS A VERY UNSUAL BOY."
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  15:22
Yeah, this one, the second chapter is what's normally the first chapter where it's reminding us where we are in case you decided to start with book four in a series.
 
Brooke Matherly  15:33
Could you imagine starting with book four, getting super super into this first cool chapter -- cuz this is the one that starts with like Nagini and the dude --
 
Christina Kann  15:42
Yeah, right. Nagini and the dude is the name of my grunge band, actually.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  15:47
That's the name of my OnlyFans.
 
Grace Ball  15:51
Spicy!
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  15:53
Yes, Brooke, but I see where you're going.
 
Brooke Matherly  15:55
You know like to be like, hey, actually, I did just decide to pick this up a book four and see how it goes. And you're like, "Oh, this is dope as hell" and then the second chapter is *scathingly* "Harry Potter is a very special boy."
 
Christina Kann  16:06
*scathing* He has some cakes in his floorboards.
 
Brooke Matherly  16:09
*scathing* You may think this is just a normal boy, but I already told you he's special. Do you want to know how he's special? He's *magic*
 
Grace Ball  16:15
There is a real possibility that Mats started with book four and I don't even remember if that's true but he definitely read them all out of order.
 
Christina Kann  16:23
I wrote it down somewhere in the order that he -- I think he started with book five actually.
 
Grace Ball  16:28
I think he did.
 
Christina Kann  16:29
If I remember correctly. Catch Mats on our next week's episode covering Chapter One of Goblet of Fire, me, Haley, and Mats. Um, yeah, I would have to agree that my least favorite chapter so far would be the Chamber of Secrets or Prisoner of Azkaban first chapter, I would have to re-examine them to remember which one is worse because they are so deeply forgettable.
 
Grace Ball  16:50
Yeah.
 
Christina Kann  16:51
Mary-Peyton, what about you?
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  16:53
I mean, probably the the intro chapters would be my -- I mean, that would just make sense. I love the chapters about just like general school, like their classes and stuff. The ones that like harp on the Draco Harry rivalry, when they really harp on it, like a like a teenager would, you know, like or a preteen would, just talking about other classmates over and over.
 
Christina Kann  17:22
Okay, next Foster asks, What is our favorite chapter so far? I know it's that one's harder. I mean, I really love the whole climax several chapters in a row of Prisoner of Azkaban. I really like when they're learning everything, and they're creeping around in like the Halloween dark -- even though it's June, it's very Halloweeny. So I would say one of those; I'm not sure exactly which.
 
Brooke Matherly  17:53
Ugh, is this the right time for me to admit that I don't like Harry Potter?
 
Christina Kann  17:58
Wow, how do I say this? You are fired.
 
Brooke Matherly  18:03
Okay, I was I was I hired at any point?
 
Grace Ball  18:07
Yeah, you were interviewed for this position. What?
 
Brooke Matherly  18:12
My general demeanor is my interview for this position.
 
Christina Kann  18:16
That's true. It's true.
 
Brooke Matherly  18:17
Y'all need someone who is going to button with an "actually" at every given opportunity, and that is the role that I fill. Haley and I trade off that responsibility.
 
Christina Kann  18:31
Yeah, any other notable favorite chapters?
 
Grace Ball  18:33
Probably like all the other ones.
 
Christina Kann  18:35
Okay, the ones besides the first ones.
 
Grace Ball  18:37
Yes.
 
Brooke Matherly  18:37
I really like the chapter as we're exiting the Chamber of Secrets because it's like relief after relief after relief.
 
Christina Kann  18:45
When he finds Ron and Fawkes carries them away.
 
Brooke Matherly  18:49
Yes, and then they see their parents and Fawkes is there and everything. Interspaced throughout all of this is just Gilderoy Lockhart being a damn dumbass in the back, like, "Who am I? Where are we?"
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  19:00
Can I talk about one from the this book?
 
Brooke Matherly  19:04
No, so far.
 
Christina Kann  19:10
Just to clarify, Foster did say so far.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  19:15
Okay. Well, then I don't know. I guess it's more based on events that happened, but like, so far I really love when Harry is at the lake and he realizes that it's him who casts the Patonus and not his father that pops out. He just does it so quickly, without really any thought, he realizes he's the only one who's here to do this thing.
 
Christina Kann  19:43
Gryffindor reflexes.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  19:44
Man, I just love that moment. So much.
 
Grace Ball  19:46
I also really love the chapter where Harry's in the Forbidden Forest and he has that interaction with Firenze.
 
Christina Kann  19:54
Oh, yeah, that is a great one.
 
Grace Ball  19:56
I really like that one.
 
Christina Kann  19:57
Yeah, it's one of those that has so many more layers in the book than it does in the movies.
 
Grace Ball  20:05
Yeah. And it all makes so much more sense once you've read the rest of the books, and it's like, wow, the seeds were planted.
 
Christina Kann  20:13
Yeah, yes.
 
Brooke Matherly  20:15
My favorite thing about that chapter is it inspired a conversation that has resulted in me having a half-nude picture of me as a centaur hung up next to my desk in my bedroom.
 
Christina Kann  20:25
That's also my favorite part of that chapter. Weird.
 
Grace Ball  20:29
I just connect so much with that chapter, I don't know why.
 
Brooke Matherly  20:33
My favorite thing -- when I read in public with the bookmark that is me as a centaur, I always feel like I have to flip it over. I've had people see me take it out of the book before and just kind of like doubletake.
 
Christina Kann  20:49
Just imagine having to explain it.
 
Brooke Matherly  20:51
Do you have a centaur pinup picture of yourself on your bookmark?
 
Christina Kann  20:56
Full NSFW? Oh, no, the bookmark --
 
Brooke Matherly  20:59
The bookmark, I have pasties.
 
Christina Kann  21:01
Technically pasties. Although you would still get some weird looks if you whipped that out at work.
 
Brooke Matherly  21:07
Yes.
 
Christina Kann  21:10
Foster next asks, "If this series had to be written from another character's perspective, who would you choose?" And Foster personally chooses Luna Lovegood.
 
Brooke Matherly  21:22
Aw, that's an awesome choice. I don't know that the story would have enough cohesive elements if it was written through Luna's perspective.
 
Grace Ball  21:29
That'd be okay, though. I feel like that would be fine.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  21:32
I feel like that would be one of the most different vibes from Harry that you can possibly get.
 
Christina Kann  21:37
Why is this like an abstract purple as hell magical realism book suddenly? Like this is not the same tone at all.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  21:45
You wouldn't know whether things were really happening or if they were just in her mind.
 
Christina Kann  21:49
Yeah.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  21:50
That'd be pretty cool, actually.
 
Christina Kann  21:52
Unreliable narrator. Maybe we all choose what you choose, Foster.
 
Brooke Matherly  21:55
I think I would like a Wicked-style rendition where it is either Crabbe or Goyle's perspective of them actually doing all the things that Malfoy gets credited with in the background.
 
Christina Kann  22:07
Oh my gosh, that's funny. I was gonna say Malfoy. I think that would be really interesting to see kind of his whole ... I mean, he's really terrible to Harry, but like, I mean, his life is also terrible. So yeah. Any other ideas? Any other wise ideas?
 
Grace Ball  22:23
I have a wise idea.
 
Christina Kann  22:25
You always do, Little Miss Ravenclaw.
 
Grace Ball  22:27
How about Neville Longbottom?
 
Christina Kann  22:29
That would be a good one. That's almost kind of like Wayne from Puffs. Sorry to keep bringing up puffs.
 
Grace Ball  22:38
No, I love it.
 
Christina Kann  22:39
It's from the Hufflepuff perspective. Neville, I understand is not a Hufflepuff, but like, isn't he?
 
Grace Ball  22:46
Right.
 
Brooke Matherly  22:47
He's got big puff energy.
 
Grace Ball  22:49
Yes.
 
Brooke Matherly  22:50
Yeah. I'm really distracted because Haley's texting the group chat about Cats. I'm gonna turn my phone over. You would think that we had actually harmed her by making her watch that movie.
 
Grace Ball  23:05
Oh, I didn't realize we were talking about that cats, not real cats.
 
Christina Kann  23:07
Yeah, Cats 2019, sorry.
 
Grace Ball  23:09
I got you.
 
Christina Kann  23:11
If you could design a Triwizard Tournament challenge, what would you choose? Giant chess.
 
Grace Ball  23:20
I was gonna say the potions one but --
 
Brooke Matherly  23:22
Oh, yeah, the potions from the first one is a good option.
 
Christina Kann  23:27
Cedric would be out because he's really nice and brave and cool, but he is not super smart.
 
Brooke Matherly  23:36
I think I would do something -- I mean, this is just me being dumb -- but I would love to have them all come into a room like fully prepped and then it's just a bunch of like Sudoku puzzles.
 
Christina Kann  23:50
Crossword.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  23:52
Yeah, I would love some sort of muggle task.
 
Christina Kann  23:57
Minesweeper.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  23:58
Yeah. Oh my god.
 
Christina Kann  24:05
I wish I could take some of my skill points out of Minesweeper and put them into like, hand-eye coordination or like volume control. I am so I'm unreasonably good at Minesweeper.
 
Brooke Matherly  24:18
I would also like to see a wizard version of it like a triathlon or maybe they have to like run and then swim through the lake without getting eaten by anything and then like fly a crazy course around all the turrets of Hogwarts castle.
 
Christina Kann  24:31
I love that. Or how about like a roller derby?
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  24:35
Ooh, yes.
 
Brooke Matherly  24:36
Yeah, I could see that.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  24:37
What about like a Hunger Games situation?
 
Christina Kann  24:39
Oh, Hunger Games, fight to the death.
 
Grace Ball  24:42
That's what they're doing!
 
Brooke Matherly  24:44
Actually, I just remembered that Lupin did that whole dark arts obstacle course for them at the end of Book 3. I want to just see a dark arts obstacle course.
 
Christina Kann  24:52
Okay, cool. These are some good ideas.
 
Grace Ball  24:54
I was thinking just like debate. You know? What are everybody's political views? You know what I mean?
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  25:01
Typical Ravenclaw right there.
 
Christina Kann  25:03
I mean, the scoring system is just absolutely fucked because two of the five judges for the Triwizard Tournament are running your competing schools. So it's like, sure, let it be super subjective because you could do it perfectly and still get a bad score.
 
Brooke Matherly  25:19
Also, debate feels really unfair considering two of the other three people are going to be doing English as a second language for the debate. That's true. Okay. Never mind. It's a terrible idea.
 
Christina Kann  25:31
First of all, wow, Florida, like core Fleur Delacour would turn on the Veela charm for that, and also Viktor Krum is so awkward. He's so awkward. He probably would just be like "I fold" and walk away.
 
Grace Ball  25:43
It would be entertaining, though, at the very least.
 
Christina Kann  25:45
Just Harry and Fleur kind of getting into it, snd then Cedric really calm, cool, and collected in the middle. Krum has tapped out.
 
Grace Ball  25:54
I just feel like Harry would be so silly in a debate setting.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  25:59
Yeah, he would handle that pressure well, at all.
 
Christina Kann  26:02
No need to call me sir. Professor.
 
Grace Ball  26:05
He'd be like, "Uh, Hermione?"
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  26:08
Can I get a sub?
 
Christina Kann  26:09
"Can I phone a friend?" They're like, "What's a phone?"
 
Grace Ball  26:12
Oh, yeah. Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Who Wants to Be a Triwizard Champion?
 
Christina Kann  26:20
Okay, Foster's next question. Thank you so much for all these excellent questions. Foster. Foster asks, "If you could turn into a magical creature, what would it be?"
 
Brooke Matherly  26:32
Literally a centaur.
 
Christina Kann  26:36
Yeah, I don't know if this is like animagus status, which like, I don't think you can turn into like another sentience creature.
 
Brooke Matherly  26:46
I mean, animals are sentient.
 
Christina Kann  26:49
Um, no.
 
Brooke Matherly  26:52
Yeah.
 
Christina Kann  26:53
Doesn't "sentient" mean that you're aware that you're aware?
 
Brooke Matherly  26:57
Yeah, I feel like dogs clear that bar.
 
Christina Kann  27:01
Well, I'm googling "define sentience," but I think that that's one of those things that's like a philosophical question.
 
Grace Ball  27:07
Wow.
 
Christina Kann  27:07
I'm going to go ahead and see Webster's real quick.
 
Grace Ball  27:09
Okay, perfect.
 
Brooke Matherly  27:11
If I have to turn into an animal, like an animal animal, then actually I would love to be a poisonous spider. I feel like that would be very useful as an animagus. And it's not necessarily a magical creature. But I think the act of turning into it is magical. So...
 
Christina Kann  27:30
First of all, how dare Merriam-Webster's define "sentience" as "a sentient quality or state"? I'm mad and I quit.
 
Grace Ball  27:39
Not helpful.
 
Christina Kann  27:41
I'd probably be a dog. Or like a like a lynx. Like a medium-sized furry pawed, four-pawed -- just like run around, romp around.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  27:50
Does it have to be a magical creature?
 
Christina Kann  27:52
I don't think so.
 
Grace Ball  27:54
Oh, I thought you said magical.
 
Brooke Matherly  27:55
He did say magical creature.
 
Christina Kann  27:56
OH, they did say magical creature. Okay, I guess when I read this, because I just finished reading Goblet of Fire, I was thinking Animagus, so Brooke I actually will allow the centaur.
 
Brooke Matherly  28:08
Good. Chop my bottom half off; it's not my best half. Replace it with a horse and I am rolling.
 
Christina Kann  28:18
Okay then I would like to be I would like to be the erumpet from Fantastic Beasts. You know, the big lumpy thing? She's so cute.
 
Grace Ball  28:34
Aw, she's a good one. I kind of want to be a dragon.
 
Brooke Matherly  28:40
Do you have a species of dragon?
 
Grace Ball  28:44
Oh...
 
Christina Kann  28:45
You would be a nice Swedish Shortsnout or the Welsh Green. You know? Something kind of mellow. You're not a Norwegian Ridgeback.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  28:54
What about a Spirited Away type dragon? Like a Falchor-type doggish dragon.
 
Grace Ball  29:03
Yeah, I'll take it.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  29:04
I was thinking about saying dragon because I would definitely want to be anything that flies. So as long as it flies. And for some reason what's coming to my mind is the -- this isn't a magical creature, but the giant Golden Eagle from The Rescuers Down Under. Do y'all remember that movie?
 
Grace Ball  29:20
Yeah!
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  29:20
I don't know, I think I watched it at a time when I was a kid where I was just like obsessed with it.
 
Christina Kann  29:23
I forgot to think of any magical creatures outside this canon.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  29:28
That's probably what Foster meant, honestly. But just like some sort of giant bird.
 
Christina Kann  29:34
Yeah. The Eagles.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  29:37
Yeah, yes, the Eagles. Capital E.
 
Brooke Matherly  29:40
Once again, real animal. Haast Eagle is what you want to be. It's extinct now. Everyone must look them up. I don't know if I've brought it up on this podcast.
 
Christina Kann  29:50
You have, and I think we've linked in the show notes, but I'll link it again. Now they are actually terrifying. They are actually straight-up the Lord of the Rings Eagles, but the ones from Lord of the Rings are magical. So I'll allow it. Okay, last question . . . from Foster. There's a lot more questions. What do you think the wizard drug world is like? That is super interesting.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  30:15
Oh, hmm.
 
Christina Kann  30:17
I've never read really a fantasy book that was edgy. I've read a lot of science fiction books that were edgy in this way where there's like, lots of cool -- "Let me download some malware to my brain microchip and like, trip out for the afternoon," but I've never really encountered like dope, cool fantasy drugs. Have y'all? Or do you have any ideas?
 
Brooke Matherly  30:39
So here's the thing. I feel like the line of what's a drug is gonna be really hard to establish in Harry Potter. Because when you think about the things that muggles do drugs for -- for example, hallucinogens are a category of drug. Right?
 
Christina Kann  30:56
Right.
 
Brooke Matherly  30:57
What's the difference between a hallucinogen and being able to eat a candy where your head literally turns into a fire hydrant or some shit? You know what I mean? They have a lot of things that have like wild bodily effects that are considered to be playthings and not drugs.
 
Christina Kann  31:14
That's true. I think that the difference would be like those are novelties and I would probably be looking for something that's more of like a feeling than like a physical reaction.
 
Grace Ball  31:26
There is that charm. What's it called? It's not the Cheer--
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  31:28
The Cheering Charm.
 
Grace Ball  31:29
Oh, I was like the Cheer-up Charm. That's not right.
 
Christina Kann  31:31
Yeah the Cheering Charm.
 
Brooke Matherly  31:32
Pepper-up Potion.
 
Christina Kann  31:34
They're just like straight rolling after they kind of fuck up the Cheering Charms. They're like rolling for straight hours.
 
Grace Ball  31:40
Ron's just laughing for days.
 
Christina Kann  31:41
He's just laughing! He's like, this is super inappropriate right now.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  31:45
I feel like it would be very similar to the muggle world of drugs, because wizards are still technically humans, so they're still gonna want and be greedy about feeling good, as much as possible. And whether it comes in like a charm form or a pill form, I think it would be the same as here.
 
Brooke Matherly  32:09
But there's just so many things that were already introduced to in the books. Even like Felix Felicis and stuff like that, where it's just like--
 
Christina Kann  32:16
That should be classified as a drug.
 
Grace Ball  32:18
I think so.
 
Brooke Matherly  32:18
They just don't seem to raise to that level in the wizarding world. Emotional effects of potions and charms and objects is not considered to be an experimental or like weird thing like right. Everybody just kind of like is fine with altering their moods through liquids.
 
Christina Kann  32:38
Give me a wizard psychologist who studies this stuff.
 
Brooke Matherly  32:44
I think maybe it's because they know exactly who made it. I don't know; if you know your meth dealer, you probably feel better about it. Right? How does meth work?
 
Christina Kann  32:54
I have spoken about many a drug on this podcast, but I can guarantee I do not know how meth works. I haven't --
 
Grace Ball  33:03
I've watched Breaking Bad, okay?
 
Christina Kann  33:04
I was just about to say, I haven't even seen Breaking Bad.
 
Grace Ball  33:08
Okay, well, I got you there girl.
 
Brooke Matherly  33:09
All right, Grace. Tell us: how does meth work?
 
Grace Ball  33:11
What? Well, first of all, you have to be a chemistry teacher.
 
Christina Kann  33:16
Um, one thing I know for sure is that the wizarding world drug world would probably be as sexist as our contemporary muggle drug world.
 
Grace Ball  33:26
True.
 
Christina Kann  33:27
Thank you so much for your questions. Foster. That was a lot of really fun discussion. And we appreciate your patronage and your email as always. Our next email is from Adele. I think Adele sent me this approximately one day after we stopped the last season and I was like, "Okay, well, I'm gonna save this. I'm gonna use this someday." I think this email is what made me be like, "Hey, maybe we should do a mail episode." So thank you, Adele. Adele says "Hi, The Restricted Section crew. I've had so much fun listening to you all cover my favorite book in the series. And watching the movie alongside you all was such a blast. Haley, you and I will have to work out some sort of compromise on who gets to screw the Sphinx in the Goblet of Fire. Speaking of my least favorite Harry Potter book, I thought it would be fun to ask you all: What is your favorite of the three upcoming Triwizard tasks/which one are you most looking forward to covering and why? Looking forward to hearing more Restricted Section shenanigans on the sports book, where she who must not be named started ignoring her editor and added in crazy, unnecessary worldbuilding. I'm such a fan of this podcast and of the people who make it happen. Love Adele." Adele, we are such a huge fan of you. And thank you so much for this email. Which of the three Triwizard tests are you most looking forward to covering?
 
Brooke Matherly  34:49
I mean, you'd have to be in actual sadist to choose the maze, right?
 
Christina Kann  34:54
Yes, cuz it's boring and then terrible.
 
Grace Ball  34:57
Yes, terrible.
 
Brooke Matherly  34:58
So I like the lake.
 
Grace Ball  35:00
Yeah, oh, well, same.
 
Christina Kann  35:02
I like the lake too.
 
Grace Ball  35:04
It's a great choice, Brooke. I really respect it.
 
Brooke Matherly  35:06
You know what, Grace, great choice for you too. I really like what the answer does and says about you as a person, that you're really intelligent and you understand this series at the core.
 
Grace Ball  35:15
And like I'm a water sign, so --
 
Brooke Matherly  35:17
Oh my god, same.
 
Christina Kann  35:18
Oh my God, same. Oh my god. We did this. We did a bonus episode about houses and horoscopes. All of the women on this podcast are water signs, including Mary Clay, who won't tell us her birthday, and we decided that she's a ... Gemini?
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  35:33
I think so.
 
Brooke Matherly  35:34
Does this sound cool to you? If you're a patron, you can listen to it.
 
Christina Kann  35:39
That's true.
 
Grace Ball  35:40
We really sold that, didn't we?
 
Brooke Matherly  35:42
Was that an ad?
 
Christina Kann  35:44
I actually really do enjoy the maze in the books. It is so stressful, so deeply stressful, knowing what is coming at the end of it, but the chapter itself is a lot more exciting in the books. A lot more stuff happens. When you play D&D, when you're like walking from point A to point B, your dungeon master will roll for encounter to see if you run into like any random fuck and then pick a monster at random -- and that's what the maze feels like. "I don't know, just whatever we got. Throw it it em. Let's see." Some of its like, we never learned about it in the whole series. We're just like, "What the fuck is that thing? I don't know. That was scary!" So I like it. I like the vibe. I like that when they walk into it. It like gets silent and scary.
 
Brooke Matherly  36:32
Does the spinx existing and doing riddles indicate that Oedipus Rex is part of the Harry Potter extended universe?
 
Christina Kann  36:40
Wow. I think it just means that JK Rowling read Tolkien and was like, "How do I get a riddle in here for my stupidest character?"
 
Grace Ball  36:52
That much is clear. She certainly read Tolkien.
 
Brooke Matherly  36:56
I would like to instead assume that this was an early race of magical people in Oedipus Rex, and that Oedipus Rex was similar to Harry/Neville situation, cursed by his prophecy, except that they hadn't invented the Hall of Prophecies yet for keeping these things from people until the correct moments, and so they just spit them out at people and he's just wandering through the world trying to make sense of it.
 
Christina Kann  37:23
Wow. What a nightmare to just have prophecy spat at your face.
 
Brooke Matherly  37:29
Worse or better than fucking your mother and killing your father?
 
Christina Kann  37:36
Mary-Peyton, what about you? Which of the tasks are you most excited to revisit?
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  37:40
I think, because the dragon one is more like a Quidditch chapter kind of, it gets a little annoying, I would have to say the lake too.
 
Christina Kann  37:54
Yeah.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  37:55
Because whoever wrote it, whoever wrote these books, did a great job of making you really panic and thinking that if Harry doesn't save everyone, they will die. I remember feeling that. And now whenever I reread it or watch the movie, it's so obvious that they wouldn't die down there. They wouldn't let them drown down there. But you feel panicked with him.
 
Christina Kann  38:18
Yeah.
 
Brooke Matherly  38:19
I still don't know that that's true.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  38:22
Oh, that they wouldn't let him die?
 
Brooke Matherly  38:24
Yeah, no, I think Hogwarts would absolutely wait and -- I don't think they would intentionally let them die. I think they would like wait for everyone to come up and be like, "Did we forget a kid in the lake?"
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  38:34
They forget one of them. Yeah.
 
Christina Kann  38:36
That is super valid, Mary-Peyton. That's an example, I think, of a way that Harry's an unreliable narrator, because he builds this scene in which he has no other choice, but he does, and when they break the surface Ron calls him a stupid prat or something for  even considering that this was his responsibility.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  38:59
it really felt so heroic at that time. And of course, obviously, Dumbledore thought it was heroic too, because he gave him more points. But yeah, you realize how dumb it is at the end, but you're still totally in it with him.
 
Christina Kann  39:12
Yeah, absolutely. So here's some additional questions from Adele that she sent us via the Discord. Adele says "Many people mentioned the fourth book as the moment when the series becomes for young adult readers with more maturity rather than for children. Are you looking forward to the tonal shift in the series? And if so, why do you think Goblet of Fire and future books still have any of that childish whimsy and if not, will you miss it?" Great question, Adele. What do we think?
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  39:41
I am so excited for that tonal shift. I love that part. And what we were talking about earlier, remembering the first time we read this. I remember specifically, it was like three in the morning, and I was in my room that I currently shared with my little sister, and everyone was asleep, obviously. Getting to the part where it shifts to the graveyard. It was scary because it was like so quiet in my house, and it became so dark, and I was wrapped up, I think, in a way that was different than the first three books, even though those were really engaging. It was just something more magical to me.
 
Christina Kann  40:19
Well, and also the climax resolution of the first three books -- I mean, Sorcerer's Stone and Chamber of Secret -- that's like three chapters, maybe? Prisoner of Azkaban, it's maybe four or five? But the resolution of Goblet of Fire is like 10 straight chapters.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  40:34
Yeah.
 
Christina Kann  40:34
It's bonkers.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  40:35
Yeah.
 
Grace Ball  40:36
And I think that is an important thing that's missing from the movie. The movie, it just goes from Cedric's death to -- oop, next day, and I guess everyone's sad, but mostly fine. But the book just really spends a lot of time on that. And I think that's really awesome.
 
Christina Kann  40:56
I mean, I read this this morning. The book drags so much in a way that is very well done between when Harry gets back from the graveyard and when it ends. It is agonizing. And something that I really appreciate is they show Dumbledore and Fudge breaking up in the books. And like in the movies, it's just kind of like, "Well, what do you expect? It's a politician and an educator. They don't see eye to eye ever." But there's like a very realistic, actual breakup. And I think that's a really important part of that denouement, as well. And also, don't even get me started on this Sirius situation. I know. No, I know. Dumbledore is like "Madame Pomfrey, this dog's going to accompany Harry to the hospital wing." And I just wish that when I wasn't feeling good, I could just summon a very well behaved dog to snuggle me, you know?
 
Brooke Matherly  41:51
I don't even necessarily see it as a tonal shift. I like the later books so much more than the early books that when I think back on this series, they all have this tone to me.
 
Christina Kann  42:02
Interesting.
 
Brooke Matherly  42:04
I find elements of the tone of the later books in the earlier books more than vice versa.
 
Christina Kann  42:11
That's a very interesting perspective. You know, apart from the darker tone, we also get more nuanced humor throughout this book, which is so enjoyable, and that really only escalates. I think maybe book seven's like a little bit of an exception, everyone's dying, we're on the run. But the humor to me gets so much more fun. I remember also being a kid and I learned a lot of words from Goblet of Fire, where I don't think the previous three books really taught me a lot of vocabulary. But I, for some reason, really specifically, remember a couple words that I learned from this.
 
Grace Ball  42:47
I'm excited for the tonal shift too. And I think that what's really cool about this book is that I just think following this book, it becomes so much more character-driven. And I don't know if that's like to do with the tone necessarily, but I think that it is at least kind of, and that's just something I really, really enjoyed through the rest of the series.
 
Christina Kann  43:10
Yeah, I think hand-in-hand with that as well, I do really enjoy when the romance starts happening, because it's all so bad. Like there's no good, healthy, saccharine, like "Please, that's enough of this, like straight white romance" -- there's like none of that. It's like all so awkward and bad the whole time. Like every romantic encounter is just like so god awful.
 
Grace Ball  43:35
That's the humor you were talking about.
 
Christina Kann  43:36
Yes! I love it so much.
 
Brooke Matherly  43:38
That's also like what this period of your life is.
 
Christina Kann  43:41
Yes.
 
Brooke Matherly  43:43
You know?
 
Christina Kann  43:43
Absolutely. Adele's next question. "Also, what is your favorite side character introduced in Goblet of Fire? Potential candidates include Winky, Ludo Bagman, Krum." I know some of those may not sound familiar to you, Brooke. Adele goes on to say "We know my answer. I've said it before. I'll say it again. #BerthaJorkinsDeservedBetter." I'm gonna second Bertha jerkins because y'all know I love a well-intentioned idiot who fucks up and everyone hates her, she's the underdog now. I am here for that bitch.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  44:14
She's the one that like disappears, right?
 
Christina Kann  44:17
She disappears -- oh weird -- in the last known hiding spot of Lord Voldemort and let's never look into that. That's probably nothing.
 
Brooke Matherly  44:25
I love to hate Rita Skeeter. I will say as the books progress, we get so many better bad guys. Up until now, Voldemort's just kind of been like looming in the shadows. And there's like one very clear, big bad at the end of everything. And we start to get these really fun, intensely detestable bad guys in the later books, you know, like Umbridge, Rita Skeeter. That is the thing that I really enjoy.
 
Christina Kann  44:56
That's a great point. And now that you brought that up, there are so many bad guys and they're all such different characters. The spectrum from Snape to like -- I'm like, who's even -- like Bellatrix and Fenrir Greyback, and like you said, Umbridge. Even considering Snape's ending, I still consider him to be a nuanced bad guy, you know what I mean? Like, there are some really cool characters that crop up in this. And then there's some characters who are just forever neutral, you know? Kind of like Snape. It's like, are you a good guy? Are you a bad guy? In the end, you're just a guy. And that's part of the story. Or like, fucking Mundungus Fletcher, where it's like, are you a good guy? Technically, but you're kind of a bad guy.
 
Brooke Matherly  45:42
We also get away from the kind of meddling childish bad guys, people like Filch, where it's like, he's just trying to do his damn job. You know what I mean? That's such a hallmark of children's books because adults in positions of annoying authority that keep you from living your dreams are an easy to go to bad guy. But as the books mature, you get actual bad people thrown in there and we kind of move away a little bit from Peeves being the worst thing that happened to you that week.
 
Grace Ball  46:17
Yeah, I think Adele bringing up Winky is good. I am excited to revisit the whole house elves situation.
 
Christina Kann  46:29
Spew.
 
Grace Ball  46:30
This is where that whole thing starts. Yeah, spew starts. Hermione. Oh, Hermione. Oh, girl.
 
Christina Kann  46:37
The book stylizes it. When Hermione is talking, it's in all capitals with punctuation marks like a proper acronym, but when other people are saying it, it's all lowercase. Always in italics every time because everyone's always like *disgusted* "Spew."
 
Grace Ball  46:56
Her intentions are so good. That's just like, wow.
 
Christina Kann  46:59
Yeah, it's also just another example of how JK Rowling, the author -- I'll say her name -- because she hates women, dude. Mike said at once in like chapter two of Sorcerer's Stone, and I just have not stopped thinking about it since. She hates her female character so much. And it's like, "Look at this stupid nagging idiot" the whole book. It's like, "How silly does she look right now?"
 
Grace Ball  47:23
Not great.
 
Christina Kann  47:24
Not great. Mary-Peyton, what about you?
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  47:28
I was gonna say Winky because I love her. The poor thing is so torn and like, almost tortured the whole time. And she's so cute. I don't know. I mean, I think you guys kind of nailed it. There are so many new characters in this one of so many different levels of likeability and good and bad and apathetic. I think it goes with the tonal shift -- the the idea of good and evil kind of shifts to this like more adult version of it.
 
Christina Kann  48:02
It's a gradient rather than a binary.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  48:06
Yeah, and we start to realize that often the people that cause the most harm are the people who are either avoidant, like Fudge, you know, trying to pretend like everything's fine. People who are apathetic. You know, that those things can do the most damage.
 
Christina Kann  48:27
Thank you so much, Adele, for all of your questions in your email. We love you a lot. Hey, girl. Email from Mats! Mats says, "Hello there. So I've been listening to the podcast lately, and I keep thinking about Tom Riddle's diary. Do you think Lucius Malfoy wrote in it before planting it on Ginny? 'Dear Tom, Lately, I've been contemplating cutting my hair short. Narcissa got mad at me and said that it's just my midlife crisis talking. What do I do? Please help me, Tom. Best wishes, Lucius'." Mats goes on, "I like to imagine part of the reason why he had to get rid of it was that Narcissa got mad at him for spending more time with the diary than with her. Also, what if Gilderoy Lockhart had picked it up in the bathroom instead of Harry? Don't you think he'd write in it? If so, what would he write? The most vain, self-absorbed shit like how we see him for most of the series? Or the darkest secrets he has? Like all the things we know he did? Also also, am I the only one who feels like picturing Voldemort writing in this diary immediately makes him a lot less threatening and intimidating. Anyway, thank you all for being awesome. I love this podcast. It truly is the highlight of my week. I have the honor to be at your obedient servant, M dot Fur." Well Mats, this podcast is going to be the highlight of my weekend because I'm recording a beautiful episode with you. This is a lot of really good, hilarious points about the diary. Guys, any thoughts, feelings?
 
Brooke Matherly  49:54
I think that Lucius would have absolutely written in the diary, but I think it would just be like horrible fanboy questions. Like "Hey Tom" -- because he knew what this was -- being like "Hey Tom. So like, what's your favorite color? Do you have a favorite food? Like do you like spring or fall?"
 
Christina Kann  50:11
"Do you think it makes me less badass of a Death Eater if I go for this pumpkin spice latte?"
 
Grace Ball  50:18
"Do you think my hair looks box died?"
 
Christina Kann  50:22
Yes.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  50:23
And then later, with like anyone else in the real world, he brings it up all the time. He's like, "Oh my god, Tom was so funny today."
 
Brooke Matherly  50:33
And I once again want to reiterate one of my favorite, darkest fan theories that we came up with on the podcast about Gilderoy Lockhart, is that he is secretly gay. And when he sleeps with men, he tells them all his dark secrets and then he Obliviates them afterward. And that's how he purges it from his system.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  50:49
I hate that theory.
 
Brooke Matherly  50:50
It's not a good theory in that it's like fun, but it's a great theory in that you can immediately see it.
 
Christina Kann  50:57
Okay, it's not it's not fun, though, from like a storytelling perspective. Okay, here's Mats' next question that he asked in the Discord. If you had to choose one Harry Potter spinoff series that you wanted to be made, what would you choose? And I would choose like a Casanova-type Lockhart series where he's burdened with being the protagonist, so he has to like change slightly and take action, you know?
 
Grace Ball  51:20
Mhm. I like that. My theory for Gilderoy writing in the diary, though, is that he doesn't write anything. He just sketches self portraits. And that's it.
 
Christina Kann  51:35
They all look like Greco Roman statues of himself.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  51:39
I was gonna say stick figures.
 
Brooke Matherly  51:43
Does that mean that Tom Riddle writes back art critiques?
 
Christina Kann  51:46
"I don't know how to say this... Your nose is a lot bigger than that."
 
Grace Ball  51:51
I went straight for the nose too in my mind. Definitely comment on the nose. Because you know Voldemort's sensitive about the nose.
 
Christina Kann  51:58
Oh my gosh, I was thinking that Greco Roman statues have big strong noses.
 
Grace Ball  52:03
Oh, yeah. Okay, great.
 
Christina Kann  52:06
I do love the idea of my dear, sweet, stupid Lucius sitting down to write in a diary. He's already not even a remotely threatening character to me. In the beginning, like in Chamber of Secrets, he has the most minimal amount of sway on like the Board of Governors for the school or whatever. But he pretty much goes MIA for the next two books and then comes back as Voldemort's number one coffee bitch. You know, like Lucius Malfoy is the intern who never got promoted.
 
Grace Ball  52:37
Yes, he's giving me like Bo Burnham's Unpaid Intern. You know?
 
Christina Kann  52:43
Yeah, so he's already not very threatening to me, but just picturing him writing in the diary does make it better.
 
Grace Ball  52:51
Wait, is it Lucius or is it Voldemort writing in the diary?
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  52:55
Oh, the intimidation, that was Voldemort.
 
Christina Kann  52:58
Oh, well, you know what? I'm just like using these questions like Play Doh to mold my own.
 
Grace Ball  53:02
No, it's good. I like it. I just want to make sure we're answering the questions. You know what I mean?
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  53:10
We were talking about TV spin offs. I would love to see a Big Brother-type show but with all the kids in the dorms, and they'd have a confession camera.
 
Christina Kann  53:20
Ooh, that's good.
 
Grace Ball  53:22
I like that.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  53:24
I'd like that.
 
Brooke Matherly  53:25
I would like to have a spin off series of like young McGonagall and younger Dumbledore having adventures together. Also because -- I believe this was included in Pottermore material later -- but at some point McGonagall was married and living in Hogsmeade and commuted into Hogwarts.
 
Christina Kann  53:45
Yes.
 
Brooke Matherly  53:46
And so, I want to see all of that. I want to know how she got all this experience. Like, I want to know what she was like when she was young, wild, and free.
 
Christina Kann  53:55
Oh my god. Have you all seen the movie The House with a Clock in Its Walls?
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  53:59
Yes.
 
Christina Kann  54:00
Okay, well, there's a very adorable, deeply platonic adult friendship -- adult wizard friendship -- in that movie that I think is actually probably like straight up a younger McGonagall and Dumbledore were like. Just constantly dissing each other in the most intelligent, mutual, loving way.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  54:22
Yeah, and they get really snippy with each other and they know each other's flaws. Teah, that would be beautiful.
 
Christina Kann  54:29
Yeah, great team. You love to see it.
 
Grace Ball  54:31
Okay, other end of the spectrum. Hear me out: Love Island.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  54:40
With like the faculty?
 
Grace Ball  54:43
It would have to be, right?
 
Christina Kann  54:44
Yes.
 
Brooke Matherly  54:46
I would honestly love to see a Love Island concept with the obscure Order adults. You know what I mean? Get like, you know, Bill and Charlie up in that bitch. Yeah, you know I mean, toss Moody in there. See how that goes.
 
Christina Kann  55:02
I'm really excited to hang out with Bill and Charlie in this book.
 
Grace Ball  55:06
Yeah me too.
 
Christina Kann  55:07
At length.
 
Grace Ball  55:08
Oh yeah.
 
Christina Kann  55:09
*sensually* at LENGTH.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  55:12
Whatever length that may be.
 
Brooke Matherly  55:14
I'm more of a girth girl.
 
Christina Kann  55:17
Brooke, that's not the first time you've said that to me this week. Why were we talking about that already this week?
 
Brooke Matherly  55:21
Because I like a girthy dick.
 
Christina Kann  55:25
A couple other questions. These are ones that I wrote. Just three. Who has been your favorite character so far in the trilogy based on their behavior in the first three books?
 
Grace Ball  55:39
It's gotta be Harry Potter. No. Just kidding. Just kidding.
 
Christina Kann  55:43
For me, I think it's maybe McGonagall. She's strong. I have so many questions. Like, I just love her spirit. Whenever I see her, I'm like, Good, okay, we're safe now.
 
Grace Ball  55:56
Yeah, I mean, it's hard for me to only consider the first three books. So I was gonna say Molly Weasley, but--
 
Christina Kann  56:04
She's kind of just a nag in the first three books.
 
Grace Ball  56:06
Yeah, that's not great. But I feel like she has some good moments in this book.
 
Christina Kann  56:13
God, there's just so much stuff that happens in this book.
 
Grace Ball  56:15
I know, I'm so excited.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  56:19
I think I like Ron a lot, if it was just based on the first three books. I mean, I still love Ron a lot, but I feel like he'd probably be my favorite because he's just, he's funny, and he's such a great friend through all of it.
 
Christina Kann  56:32
Yeah.
 
Brooke Matherly  56:34
I would also say Ron, I don't know. He's got like, a whole personality in the books, you know?
 
Grace Ball  56:41
Yeah. It's surprising.
 
Brooke Matherly  56:43
He's funny, and he's charming. And he's like, he's not great at school, but he's not not a smart guy. You know what I mean?
 
Christina Kann  56:50
I'd give him a chance.
 
Brooke Matherly  56:52
I was like, hardcore team Ron, in terms of being a young girl and being like, "If I could date any of these boys -- if I could snog -- it would have been Ron."
 
Grace Ball  57:05
Yeah, me too.
 
Christina Kann  57:06
I really don't remember having crushes on either of them. Which feels so weird to me because I was not not a horny preteen -- like I definitely was -- but I don't know if they were just like unsexy to me and I was into other hotter stuff like Twilight, etcetera.
 
Grace Ball  57:23
Not hot enough!
 
Brooke Matherly  57:26
Imagine getting that note from your publisher. "I don't know if this book is hot enough."
 
Christina Kann  57:34
It's for children?
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  57:36
It's about children?
 
Grace Ball  57:38
No, no, I hear you. But the note stands.
 
Brooke Matherly  57:41
You've already got them making out; I just feel like maybe go further with that.
 
Christina Kann  57:47
I like those answers. I knowmy first choice was the most serious character in the entire first three books. But my second choice is Fred and George because they carry like 90% of the comedic writing in the first three books. Other people get funny. Harry Potter gets much funnier, like the narration. I think that's partially Harry Potter becoming more informed, becoming an adult. But I think it's also partially Rowldemort becoming like a more competent writer who is more stylized and more secure in their voice. So what has been different for you on this read of the first three books that is different from previous reads?
 
Brooke Matherly  58:27
Well, I remember them now. So that's nice.
 
Christina Kann  58:30
Yes.
 
Brooke Matherly  58:31
Because, you know, again, I think I've said it before, this was my first time rereading the books since ever, since I originally read them.
 
Christina Kann  58:39
Yeah. So this is your first time reading them with any kind of critical training, any kind of literary background, and your whole adult brain.
 
Brooke Matherly  58:48
Yeah. And like, surprisingly, my whole adult brain developed okay. And it's been interesting. I was really shocked by the amount of like raw child abuse that goes on in these books.
 
Grace Ball  59:01
Yeah.
 
Christina Kann  59:01
Yeah, that doesn't get better.
 
Brooke Matherly  59:04
As an adult, that's shocking. I think as a kid you just don't think about it.
 
Christina Kann  59:10
As a kid you're like, "What if I was in an abusive household and then I got told I was a wizard and then I got to go to really dangerous school where I had to like do all these grown up fights -- like what if that happened to me and there was no one else who could do it? It was just me?"
 
Brooke Matherly  59:24
But the actual undertone of that is always, What if you're normal? But you're not normal; you're special. And as a kid, you're like, "I am special." And as an adult, you're like, "No one's fucking special. You're not special. Gandhi is not special. The Queen of fucking England isn't special. Go sit the fuck down."
 
Grace Ball  59:40
Yeah, basically.
 
Brooke Matherly  59:41
But also don't hurt people needlessly.
 
Christina Kann  59:43
Right, yes.
 
Grace Ball  59:45
Yeah, I mean, definitely. Wow. never read them so slowly.
 
Christina Kann  59:51
That's for damn sure.
 
Grace Ball  59:53
--as we have on the on the cast.
 
Christina Kann  59:56
It's good for you. It's good to pace yourself.
 
Grace Ball  59:59
No, it is good.
 
Christina Kann  1:00:00
It's like how when I have Goldfish cracker snacks, I eat them with chopsticks so that I can only eat them one at a time. It's like a built in pacing mechanism.
 
Grace Ball  1:00:09
That's how I eat Hot Cheetos. But that's mostly because of the red dye.
 
Christina Kann  1:00:14
Yes. Oh my gosh, my plug for this week is please use chopsticks to eat almost all snacks.
 
Grace Ball  1:00:18
Yeah, it's really good. It's a good call. I endorse that.
 
Christina Kann  1:00:23
Um, okay, great.
 
Grace Ball  1:00:24
I guess that was the end of what I was gonna say.
 
Christina Kann  1:00:26
I guess none of us have ever read it for the purpose of a podcast. That's something we have in common.
 
Grace Ball  1:00:31
I've never thought about it as much as I have.
 
Christina Kann  1:00:34
I've barely even thought about it. I've mentioned this before that the first time I read them, I was eight. And as an adult, all of the 15 times I've read them since then, every single one of those rereads was informed by my first interpretation of them.
 
Grace Ball  1:00:51
Exactly, and I'm like "That's how it is."
 
Christina Kann  1:00:53
Yes. So like rereading them this time has just absolutely blasted my brain open in the Harry Potter universe. And I'm so grateful.
 
Grace Ball  1:01:00
Plus, with everybody else's perspectives on the podcast, I'm just like, "Damn, I got some smart friends, by the way. That's pretty cool."
 
Christina Kann  1:01:07
Yes. And now, I'm like fully convinced that Snape was in love with James, you know? Everything is different now. Mary-Peyton, what about you?
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  1:01:19
Probably analyzing the rules of the world outside of the storyline. You know, reading, like, I'm sure I analyzed it a lot the million times that I read it before this podcast, and I know I did. But analyzing at that level was just like, "Why does that work here? Like, how does that work again?" But with the podcast, we just go on these tangents of talking about: Okay, what does that mean for the rest of the wizarding world? Like we were talking about the drugs of the wizarding world. You know, I don't think I've ever thought about that before.
 
Brooke Matherly  1:01:56
I will say that this podcast has caused Harry Potter to infect my entire life in terms of moving through the world. I think about Harry Potter more than I've ever thought about Harry Potter in my life, I relate it to just about everything. It's really good in a business setting; you're really helping me with my job.
 
Christina Kann  1:02:19
I do relate to that deeply. I'm the Harry Potter friend. Everyone mentions it to me always. When there's a really good TikTok, I get it sent to me like seven or eight times. That being said, if you see something funny, and you want to send it to me, please continue to do so because a lot of my friends send me really hilarious stuff. And I use it for this podcast's social media accounts. So I am grateful. Last question of the session. And I do apologize that we didn't get the opportunity to visit every question. We got a lot of really awesome questions from all of our devoted listeners. And we love you a lot. And we're so grateful that you took the time to kind of engage with us today. So if we didn't read your question, it's because of time. So now it's time for the last question. Who is a character that, just in this past rereading of these first three books, who is a character that you've totally changed opinions on?
 
Brooke Matherly  1:03:14
Honestly, Petunia. Which is maybe a weird thing, but I had never really thought of her in any other way than like, you know, a bitchy, awful woman. And really digging into her psychology, as we have done now three times in our very first chapters of each book, and really thinking about what probably caused this, what brought this on -- and also the realization that she did actually have to raise baby Harry. Babies take a lot of work, and she did that.
 
Christina Kann  1:03:44
Yeah.
 
Brooke Matherly  1:03:45
All of those kind of things compounding together. I don't know that I necessarily have like a different opinion of her in terms of like -- I still think she's a bad person. But like really digging into what we think might be making her tick has completely changed the way I view her actions. I find her to be somewhat more forgivable now.
 
Christina Kann  1:04:12
Hmm. I definitely agree that an adult perspective on Petunia gives you more sympathy for her.
 
Grace Ball  1:04:17
I think for me, it's Hagrid. And Brooke, you may have had some influence on that.
 
Brooke Matherly  1:04:24
I fucking ruined Hagrid for you, didn't I? So sorry.
 
Grace Ball  1:04:28
No, that's okay. You know, when you're a kid, you don't notice all of the things that Hagrid is doing. And you're not asking yourself, why is Hagrid doing that? But I did. I asked myself that this time. And Hagrid did not come out too great. That's okay.
 
Christina Kann  1:04:45
Well, that's the thing. When you become an adult, you have to start asking yourself, Is this an appropriate way for an adult to behave? Because up until you're like 14 maybe, you can kind of act however you want. It's like "Ah, she's just tired, she's just hungry, you know?"
 
Grace Ball  1:05:00
I just need to drink some more water.
 
Christina Kann  1:05:05
Yeah. "Wait, I know this. This is inappropriate adult behavior for sure. You can't trick me."
 
Grace Ball  1:05:09
Yeah, so sorry, man.
 
Christina Kann  1:05:13
I was also gonna say Hagrid, but here's a hot take. Here's my character that I've totally changed opinions on, kind of: Dobby.
 
Grace Ball  1:05:26
Okay.
 
Christina Kann  1:05:27
I don't like him.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  1:05:29
How fucking dare you.
 
Christina Kann  1:05:30
And I think that I've never liked him and this is the first time I've ever permitted myself to not like him. I find him deeply meddling and obnoxious, and I feel like he's just there for sympathy. That's like all he has, like, look at this poor pathetic creature. He's such a caricature of a character, and I don't like him. I think that his role in the story should have been done well or not at all. And I don't think it was done well
 
Brooke Matherly  1:06:07
He could have been more of a Winky character and it might have worked better.
 
Christina Kann  1:06:14
Winky is rough dude.
 
Brooke Matherly  1:06:15
No, but like...
 
Christina Kann  1:06:17
Let's revisit that after the reread.
 
Brooke Matherly  1:06:18
I get that. I'm not saying like full Winky, but like, you know, he could show any amount of actual stress at what he's endured instead of just being like, "LOL I ironed my knuckles! Anyhow, you can't go to school. Kay bye!"
 
Christina Kann  1:06:35
Yeah
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  1:06:36
Yeah, it's a little nuts.
 
Christina Kann  1:06:39
Yeah.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  1:06:41
Can I say JK Rowling?
 
Christina Kann  1:06:43
Oh, round of applause.
 
Grace Ball  1:06:46
Yeah, you win.
 
Christina Kann  1:06:48
Okay, you win, and that's a good place to end this podcast frankly. I think we've all judge opinions on that woman.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  1:06:57
That bitch.
 
Christina Kann  1:06:59
I probably wouldn't start this podcast now. You know? But I'm glad that we have it. And I'm glad that we get to be part of the other narrative. You know, I'm glad that we get to contribute to creating a safe space where people who love Harry Potter but are upset by that. But we're not going to harp on that too long because this is like a pump up episode, this is a pregame. This is the mailbag episode. I've called it a million different things. One thing's for sure. The very first episode that we record after a Goblet of Fire is called Group Therapy.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  1:07:34
Thank God.
 
Christina Kann  1:07:37
You're gonna need it! Um, in conclusion, before we move on to plugs, I would like to just one more time encourage everyone to sign up for our Patreon. For as little as $1 a month, you can be part of our online community on the Discord, where we have a lot of really awesome conversations all the time. There's a lot of really excellent people there. For the $5 tier, you can get monthly bonus episodes, and September's bonus episode is going to cover My Immortal, the mysterious and legendary Harry Potter fanfiction. I can't emphasize how much you don't want to miss that, so please check us out. The link is in the show notes. So now it's time to move on to plugs. Brooke, where can people find you on the internet?
 
Brooke Matherly  1:08:19
You can follow me on Instagram @passionforparks. You can find me on Twitter @grumpybrooke. And this week, I am going to plug a book that I read recently and absolutely loved. It is called The Henna Artist. It is by Alka Joshi. It is an awesome female-forward book that's set in post-colonial India. And it's just a really delightful read. It has some twists and turns. It's really just a woman trying to make it on her own in a society that doesn't want her to, and it's it's just amazingly entertaining. I highly recommend it.
 
Christina Kann  1:08:59
Awesome. Thank you so much. Mary-Peyton, what about you? Where can people find you on the internet?
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  1:09:04
You can find me on Instagram @richmondreads or @crookmp, and you can find me on Twitter @crookmp, although I don't do much on there, mostly just retweet on that one.
 
Christina Kann  1:09:14
You show up once a month and like everything I've posted.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  1:09:17
Yeah, just go down the list just liking.
 
Christina Kann  1:09:21
She's very supportive.
 
Mary-Peyton Crook  1:09:22
Hey, I do it genuinely. I'm not just liking it. I like it, okay. But yeah, you can find me there. And then I'm going to plug something that I've been plugging in my regular life to everyone I've seen, so sorry to you guys, but The Haunting of Bly Manor, the show on Netflix, which is so freakin good. I did not watch The Haunting of Hill House, which everyone said was so good, because I do not like scary stuff. So I just avoided it. And my little sister convinced me to watch The Haunting of Bly Manor, and of course it's scary. It's got the word "haunting" in the title, obviously. Man, it was so freakin beautiful. And I'm someone who thinks way too much about dark stuff. So, you know, middle of the season, I was kind of really feeling it. But it's so well done. It's really more of a love story. I could not recommend it more.
 
Christina Kann  1:10:24
Thank you so much for that. Grace, what about you? What have you been doing lately? What do you have to recommend today?
 
Grace Ball  1:10:29
Um, today I'm going to recommend a podcast called Noble Blood.
 
Christina Kann  1:10:36
Wait wait, did you just start listening to that?
 
Grace Ball  1:10:39
I've been listening to it for a little while.
 
Christina Kann  1:10:41
Oh my god. I just started listening to that podcast in the past couple weeks.
 
Grace Ball  1:10:43
Really? Well, great choice. It's really good. It's hosted by Dana Schwartz. And basically she just kind of goes through stories of some messy royals, man. It's crazy.
 
Christina Kann  1:10:55
It is crazy.
 
Grace Ball  1:10:56
Just like so much murder.
 
Christina Kann  1:10:58
Yeah, when people were like "George RR Martin, why did you write these fucked up books?" and he's like, "Joke's on you. It's based on history." This is the show where you're like, "Oh, my God, he was completely right."
 
Grace Ball  1:11:09
Yeah, it's very good. I definitely recommend just like starting from the top and just binging it, because it's awesome.
 
Christina Kann  1:11:17
Hell yeah. Thank you so much. And obviously I second that plug. So I've been your host, Christina. You can follow me on Instagram @christinathekann. You can follow me on Twitter @christina_kann. You can follow me on TikTok @sproutsprivatestash. And this week I'm going to plug the book Ariadne by Jennifer Saint. It's a retelling of, you know, the Ariadne story from Greek mythology, which involves the Minotaur in the labyrinth and Daedalus and Icarus and Theseus and Dionysus, they all end in sus. Weird. That's pretty sus. It's a very lovely retelling, a more contemporary retelling, of an old Greek myth, and we actually are reading it for our August Movie Night Crew Book Club, which we're doing over on the Discord. It's been really exciting to be able to talk to people as we're reading it. Yeah, I recommend Ariadne by Jennifer Saint. Well, that's the end of it. Thank you so much, ladies for coming on and chatting with me about the Goblet of Fire and about all that we've read so far and fielding some questions from our beloved listeners.
 
Brooke Matherly  1:12:33
Here we go again.
 
Grace Ball  1:12:35
Yay!
 
Christina Kann  1:12:36
Yeah, here we go again. Get ready, because it's um, I mean, this is the grown up ride now.
 
Brooke Matherly  1:12:41
This is that roller coaster that goes forwards and backwards.
 
Christina Kann  1:12:45
Yeah, yeah. I don't want to be on this one. I don't want to. You gotta; I'm sorry. From here on out, all the books end in MURDER. Alright, gang, I gotta go finish reading "Cool Haircuts for Wizard Daddies" before this book tries to shank me. Goodbye.
 
Brooke Matherly  1:15:32
I like can't -- I cannot chill if I cannot see that my Audacity is currently recording.